thumping the tub

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

2007-05-30T11:29:00.001Z

Warning
Uploaded by pjkproductions

TURN IT UP

2007-05-15T16:09:00.000Z

Turn it right up as loud as it will go and enjoy!

A BETTER ANSWER

2007-05-14T11:01:00.000Z

One thing you always hear is that for protestors to be effective we 'need to have a better story.'

It has been repeated so often it has become accepted.

Here is a better story than killing kids.... NOT killing kids
Here is a better story than destroying the planet... NOT destroying the planet
Here is a better story than poisoning the air and water and ourselves... NOT poisoning the air and water and ourselves.

I don't need much of a better story than that

From George Orwell....

“Socialist thought has to deal in prediction, but only in broad terms. One often has to aim at objectives which one can only very dimly see. At this moment, for instance, the world is at war and wants peace. Yet the world has no experience of peace, and never has had, unless the Noble Savage once existed. The world wants something which it is dimly aware could exist, but cannot accurately define. This Christmas Day, thousands of men will be bleeding to death in the Russian snows, or drowning in icy waters, or blowing one another to pieces on swampy islands of the Pacific; homeless children will be scrabbling for food among the wreckage of German cities. To make that kind of thing impossible is a good objective. But to say in detail what a peaceful world would be like is a different matter.

Nearly all creators of Utopia have resembled the man who has toothache, and therefore thinks happiness consists in not having toothache. They wanted to produce a perfect society by an endless continuation of something that had only been valuable because it was temporary. The wider course would be to say that there are certain lines along which humanity must move, the grand strategy is mapped out, but detailed prophecy is not our business. Whoever tries to imagine perfection simply reveals his own emptiness.”

ANAGRAMS

2007-05-09T11:09:00.000Z

Some anagrams of the names of our illustrious leaders

Tony Blair PM

I'M TORY PLAN B
A BLIMP NO TRY
BALM I NOT PRY
PORN BAT LIMY

George W Bush

BUGGERS WE OH
BUGGERS WE HO
BUGGER SHE OW
BUGGER HE SOW
BREWS EGO UGH

Margaret Thatcher

CATARRH TART GEM HEMP

Donald Rumsfeld

DULLARDS FOND ME
LANDLORDS DEF SUM
ADDS DULL MEN FOR
DADS OLD MEN FURL
LAMED FUND LORDS
DERMAL FOLDS DUN

Dick Cheney

CHICKEN DYE
DICKY HENCE

John Howard

WAR, D'OH JOHN

Silvio Berlusconi

VINCIBLE SOILS OUR
OBSCURE I ILL VINOS

Stephen Harper

REHASH NET PREP

Nicolas Sarkozy

A RACK IN SLY ZOOS
A CZAR IN YOLK, SOS

Favourites anyone? Or anymore?

SCOTTISH ELECTION DAY

2007-05-03T10:18:00.000Z

I do not support one party or another and all the scaremongering from Westminster is over for at least a while but I hope we can at least make a start on the road to full independence today.

It is high time.

To paraphrase and translate a famous old Scottish quote

"It is better to have our politicians here in Edinburgh where we can throw stones at them because not even the strongest arm can throw as far as London."

p.s. Mary, please email the email you can find in my profile

Thanks

LEST WE FORGET

2007-04-28T12:06:00.000Z

I am not a huge fan of Galloway but aside from the thing in the senate he really let rip on Rupert Murdoch's sky news here.

It's a great clip..

SCAREMONGERING

2007-04-26T11:06:00.000Z

As the Scottish election approaches (May 3rd) the usual scaremongering is going on. There are also the usual lies about Scotland not being able to support itself.

Funny then, that the Labour government in the 70s went to great lengths to cover up the McCrone Report which stated that a Scottish economy properly managed would be "in chronic surplus to a quite embarassing degree." "It's currency would become the hardest in Europe with the possible exception of the Norwegian Kroner."

Ho hum.

here are some responses to it and some links about the real picture..

http://www.scottishpolitics.org/scotching/greatdeception.html
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/4303750.stm

RECYCLING

2007-04-19T14:28:00.000Z

For those of you who believe there should be a lot more recycling going on and a lot less waste produced in the first place I think I have discovered the solution - WORLD WAR 3!

I was looking at some old propaganda posters from WW2 and it struck me how many were about that very thing...

SICK

2007-04-17T14:35:00.000Z

I have not been well the last few days so i have followed my usual procedure and retreated to bed and watched loads of documentaries. I found a couple of good ones but most are nonsense about UFOs etc.

I did find this one about what happened when they gave spiders drugs as a test interesting...

VERY GOOD

2007-04-12T23:22:00.000Z

Very good. I can' think of anything else to say.

PROUD TO BE A WHAT?

2007-04-10T14:49:00.000Z

As a Scottish person one thing you have to get used to is people insulting, patronising or otherwise being nonplussed (or flummoxed - flummoxed IS a good word) by your accent. Then, when you mention THEIR accent, the offending English or American person (for it is usually they - see recent routines by Robin Williams to name but one) say "I don't HAVE an accent."

YES YOU DO, IT IS JUST DIFFERENT FROM MINE -I AM NOT SPEAKING INCORRECTLY JUST BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO TALK LIKE SOME DICK OFF THE OC OR BBC NEWS.

In that light... British comedian Rory Bremner mentioned this a while ago but it is worth mentioning again.

I often hear people on TV saying they are proud to be A-merkin. Bush says it often, as do many others.

So, from dictionary.com...

Merkin -

false hair for the female pudenda.
A pubic wig for women.
According to "The Oxford Companion to the Body," the custom of wearing merkins dates from c.1450, was associated with prostitutes, and was to disguise either pubic hair shaved off to exterminate body lice or evidence of venereal disease.

And from Wikipedia...

A merkin (first use, according to the OED, 1617) is a pubic wig, worn by prostitutes after shaving their genitalia to eliminate lice or to disguise the marks of syphilis. There are many different ways of wearing a merkin, although most involve placing the merkin on the vulva or the scrotum.

Houghton Mifflin's American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 4th edition describes the term's etymology as stemming from an "alteration of obsolete malkin, lower-class woman, mop, from Middle English; from Malkin, diminutive of the personal name Matilda."[1]

THE BEST MOVIE YOU PROBABLY NEVER SAW

2007-04-08T10:16:00.000Z

Network really is the best film I have ever seen. Here are three short clips...

BITCH SLAPPED

2007-04-06T22:36:00.000Z

How much would people have held it against it me if I have had called the previous post bitch slapped?

FED UP WITH IT

2007-04-05T19:20:00.000Z

I really am fed up hearing this bollocks. It is A LIE and and it always was a lie.

The Scottish elections are coming up soon and while I would not recommend one or the other party I just hope we pull it off this time. Scotland has always been kept tied to England through a combination of force, bribery and propaganda. I will be posting a lot about this in the run up to the Scottish elections.

In the meantime, here are some facts...

The "British" parties and media continually go on about how England subsidises Scotland

NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE
NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE
NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE
NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE
NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE
NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE

Please consult this excellent article if you want the full pound by pound explanation

THE GREAT DECEPTION

Also, please consult my beginners guide to how the situation works here. IT's relatively simple and quick. We have our own government of sorts, its partly independent and partly tied to London - which we don't want.

The Total UK Taxation Revenues for the year to the 5th April 2005 were £447.431 Billion pounds. Now let us assume that figure is 100% of the total Taxation. Scotland with 8.6% of the population contributed £48.111 Billion Pounds or 10.8% of the total UK Tax revenues. The percentage population formula would assume that Scotland would contribute only £38.479 Billion pounds. If fact Scotland did much better by actually contributing an extra £9.632 Billions to the revenue pot.

Far from England subsidising Scotland as Prime Minister Blair claims, the reverse is true. Scots are subsidising the rest of the UK. Later on we shall see that the GERS report also overstates the amount of Government expenditure in Scotland, presenting the case that Scotland is an economic basket case which needs propping up by the UK treasury. If this were the true case then Westminster must clearly accept responsibility for gross mismanagement of the Scottish economy.

GLOBALISATION AND THE MEDIA

2007-04-04T09:18:00.000Z

A good little documentary from undercurrents. Features Amy Goodman, George Monbiot, Danny Schechter and others...

FIRST, DO NO HARM

2007-04-03T11:35:00.000Z

PLEASE CLICK ON IT FOR A SHARPER IMAGE

HENRY KISSINGER SEZ...

2007-04-02T08:57:00.000Z

I found this from Henry...

“Almost as if according to some natural law, in every century there seems to emerge a country with the power, the will, and the intellectual and moral impetus to shape the entire international system in accordance with its own values ... In the twentieth century, no country has influenced international relations as decisively and at the same time ambivalently as the United States."

Hmmm. He continues...

"No society has more firmly insisted on the inadmissibility of intervention in the domestic affairs of other states ... No country has been more reluctant to engage itself abroad.”

Please check this link to see a long list of US interventions.

What I find most staggering about this is the doublethink.

Doublethink was defined by Orwell as...

"The ability to hold two contradictory thoughts in one's head and believe in both of them simultaneously."

Just read what he said again and see if you get what I mean.

And... I always tell this story but tough, you're getting it again.

When I was in school my history teacher went on a rant about Kissinger explaining that he was a bit (a lot) of a bastard. I put my hand up and said

"Sir, I heard he has a really high IQ. 180 or something."

the reply came back...

"Yes, there are lots of intelligent criminals."

I would like to thank that teacher for that particular piece of brilliance.

WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT IT?

2007-03-30T15:55:00.000Z

One time, they let ME into the houses of parliament. The fools! Just about every other time I have been down there I have been protesting outside it, nevertheless, this time I was in there.

I won't tell you why I was there other than to say we were meeting a Member of Parliament about something in order to be not listened to in the way that only those people can not listen to you.

After arguing with her for a while, we got a little tour. There were some Japanese tourists taking the tour with us. After having the various rooms explained to us we got to the statue of Winston Churchill. It was shortly after this that I nearly got thrown out.

The tour guide was going on about what a great man he was and every point she said in his favour I interjected with one against him...these included...

Rather bad treatment of the suffragettes
saying that he was "strongly in favor of using poisoned gas" against "uncivilized tribes" and "recalcitrant arabs"
saying this "I do not agree that the dog in a manger has the final right to the manger even though he may have lain there for a very long time. I do not admit that right. I do not admit for instance, that a great wrong has been done to the Red Indians of America or the black people of Australia. I do not admit that a wrong has been done to these people by the fact that a stronger race, a higher-grade race, a more worldly wise race to put it that way, has come in and taken their place.". He was referring to the Palestinian conflict.
Being at least partly responsible for the pointless slaughter at Gallipoli in World War 1
Using the army against British protestors who were marching because they didn't have any food.
Denying the fire brigade access to a beseiged building so the protestors had to choose surrender or death
It wasn't actually him that was speaking during those snippets of speeches you have heard. They were recorded by an actor to be broadcast on the radio.

There is a lot more I could have mentioned too. The whole time I was saying all of this the tour guide was getting more and more agitated. It was rather funny actually.

All in all, I would just like to point out that not all people in the UK think he was a hero. In fact, a lot of us are quite pleased he is dead.

On the news and things over here people still like to invoke the spirit of Churchill. Well I for one don't like invoking the spirit of bigoted imperialist thugs.

Oh, and we managed to smuggle a bottle of vodka in too which I thought was good at the time but knowing what most of them are like you probably get funny looks if you DON'T have a bottle of vodka.

Also also, a wee reminder that all the films are available for download on you right.

For some info about Churchill Mickey Z's old article on the subject is a reasonable starting place.

History Forgave Churchill Why Not Blair And Bush?

UPDATE

2007-03-30T08:58:00.000Z

This is just a little update for the previous post. I am ratherbusy today. There will be a proper post lates this afternoon but for the moment i just want to say there are lots more new links and a "it's all gone Scottish" section has been added too....

In the meantime, here are some tits and an ass...and I know it is a very old joke but I wanted to see if it really does affect your hit counter.

later

THE OLD AND THE NEW

2007-03-28T14:23:00.000Z

OK, I did a bit of a long overdue revamp.

OUT

1. No more do we have the never-popular opinion poll feature. I hadn't changed it more than a year and only about 80 of you people had bothered to vote in a year so out it goes.

2. A couple of dead links

3. The "Warmonger of the week" section. Rummy held it for a long time but not anymore. It is gone.

IN

1. In comes some permanent links to the movies I made. On your right below my profile you will see the section. These are all available for free download. The first one will take you to www.archive.org and the rest will just give you a straight download option - I hope you enjoy. I know, I know - they are windows media (wmv) files. Boo boo hiss hiss etc.

2. As a replacement for 'Warmonger of the week' we now have 'Arse of the month'. The section is on the right below the links to other blogs.

3. Some new links. Flimsy Sanity, Culture Ghost, Frederick, CV Rick and Aaron A. all have new links. There is also a new essay in the 'Want to Swot?" section called 'Beyond hope'.

If you haven't seen any of the movies and don't know whether you should download them then here is a twenty second one I did...

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH

2007-03-27T21:28:00.000Z

This is a repost but it so scary and important a story I am putting it up again...

Psy-ops propaganda goes mainstream, First Published in Slate

By Sharon Weinberger

September 19, 2005

LONDON - Over the past 24 hours, seven people have checked into hospitals here with telltale symptoms. Rashes, vomiting, high temperature, and cramps: the classic signs of smallpox. Once thought wiped out, the disease is back and threatening a pandemic of epic proportions.

The government faces a dilemma: It needs people to stay home, but if the news breaks, mass panic might ensue as people flee the city, carrying the virus with them.

A shadowy media firm steps in to help orchestrate a sophisticated campaign of mass deception. Rather than alert the public to the smallpox threat, the company sets up a high-tech "ops center" to convince the public that an accident at a chemical plant threatens London. As the fictitious toxic cloud approaches the city, TV news outlets are provided graphic visuals charting the path of the invisible toxins. Londoners stay indoors, glued to the telly, convinced that even a short walk into the streets could be fatal.

This scenario may sound like a rejected plot twist from a mediocre Bond flick, but one company is dead set on making this fantasy come to life.

Strategic Communication Laboratories, a small U.K. firm specializing in "influence operations" made a very public debut this week with a glitzy exhibit occupying prime real estate at Defense Systems & Equipment International, or DSEi, the United Kingdom's largest showcase for military technology. The main attraction was a full-scale mock-up of its ops center, running simulations ranging from natural disasters to political coups.

Just to the right of the ops center, a dark-suited man with a wireless microphone paces like a carnival barker, narrating the scenarios. Above him a screen flashes among scenes of disaster, while to his right, behind thick glass, workers sit attentively before banks of computer screens, busily scrolling through data. The play actors pause only to look up at a big board that flashes ominously between "hot spots" like North Korea and Congo.

While Londoners fret over fictitious toxins, the government works to contain the smallpox outbreak. The final result, according to SCL's calculations, is that only thousands perish, rather than the 10 million originally projected. Another success.

Of course, the idea of deluding an entire city seems, well, a bit like propaganda.

"If your definition of propaganda is framing communications to do something that's going to save lives, that's fine," says Mark Broughton, SCL's public affairs director. "That's not a word I would use for that."

Then again, it's hard to know exactly what else to call it. (Company literature describes SCL's niche specialties as "psychological warfare," "public diplomacy," and "influence operations.") The smallpox scenario plays out in excruciating detail how reporters would be tapped to receive disinformation, with TV and radio stations dedicated to around-the-clock coverage. Even the eventual disclosure is carefully scripted.

In another doomsday scenario, the company assists a newly democratic country in South Asia as it struggles with corrupt politicians and a rising insurgency that threatens to bubble over into bloody revolution. SCL steps in to assist the benevolent king of "Manpurea" to temporarily seize power.

Oh, wait, that sounds a lot like Nepal, where the monarchy earlier this year ousted a corrupt government to stave off a rising Maoist movement. The problem is, the SCL scenario also sounds a lot like using a private company to help overthrow a democratically elected government. Another problem, at least in Nepal, is that the king now shows few signs of returning to democracy.

The company, which describes itself as the first private-sector provider of psychological operations, has been around since 1993. But its previous work was limited to civil operations, and it now wants to expand to military customers.

If SCL weren't so earnest, it might actually seem to be mocking itself, or perhaps George Orwell. As the end of the smallpox scenario, dramatic music fades out to a taped message urging people to "embrace" strategic communications, which it describes as "the most powerful weapon in the world." And the company Web page offers some decidedly creepy asides. "The [ops center] can override all national radio and TV broadcasts in time of crisis," it says, alluding to work the company has done in an unspecified Asian country.

The government's use of deception in the service of national security is not new. During World War II, for example, Allied forces conducted a massive misinformation campaign, called Operation Fortitude, designed to hide plans for the Normandy invasion. More recent efforts have met with controversy, however. In 2002, the Pentagon shuttered its brand new Office of Strategic Influence after public outcry over its purported plans to spread deceptive information to the foreign press.

Government deception may even be justified in some cases, according to Michael Schrage, a senior adviser to the security-studies program at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. "If you tell the population that there's been a bio-warfare attack, hospital emergency rooms will be overwhelmed with people who sincerely believe they have all the symptoms and require immediate attention," Schrage says.

The problem, he adds, is that in a democracy, a large-scale ruse would work just once.

The U.S. government has generally sought to limit disinformation; some agencies?such as the CIA?are explicitly prohibited by law from misleading domestic press. And while the CIA is fond of concealment, it takes pride in the belief that truth is necessary for an open government, a sentiment chiseled into the agency's lobby.

What makes SCL's strategy so unusual is that it proposes to propagate its campaign domestically, at least some of the time, and rather than influence just opinion, it wants people to take a particular course of action. Is SCL simply hawking a flashier version of propaganda?

The spokesman's answer: "We save lives."

Yes, Broughton acknowledges, the ops center is not exactly giving the truth, but he adds, "Is it not worth giving an untruth for 48 hours to save x million people's lives? Sometimes the means to an end has to be recognized."

Who buys this stuff? Broughton declined to mention many specific clients, noting that disclosing SCL's involvement?particularly in countries with a free and open media?could make its campaigns less effective. However, he says that post-apartheid South Africa has employed SCL. So has the United Nations, he says.

The company's Web site is even vaguer, mentioning international organizations and foreign governments. A Google search produces only a handful of hits, mostly linked to the company's Web site. The company's work is based on something that even the spokesman admits you "won't find on the Web": the Behavioral Dynamics Institute, a virtual lab led by Professor Phil Taylor of Leeds University.

But the company, which is funded by private investors, is now taking on a higher profile, and visitors flocked to the flashy setup here at the show. "Basically, we're launching ourselves this week on the defense market and homeland security market at the same time," Broughton explained.

If SCL has its way, its vision of strategic communications?which involves complex psychological and scientific data?could be used to shape public response to tsunamis, epidemics, or even the next Hurricane Katrina.

Well aware that the company may face controversy, particularly with its push into the defense market, Broughton emphasizes the company's role in saving lives.

"It sounds altruistic," he said. "There is some altruism in it, but we also want to earn money."

Sharon Weinberger, a writer based in Washington, is working on a book about the Pentagon and fringe science.

PINOCCHIO

2007-03-26T13:33:00.000Z

I know that we all know that he is a lying bastard but year or so ago I posted something about his first election leaflet when he was running to be an MP for the first time.

You can look at it here.

At a time when the UK is at war in a few places and is currently trying to spend billions of pounds on revamping its nuclear weaponry it is interesting to look at some of the things on the leaflet.

In one section entitled "DEFENCE MADNESS" there are two little comments..

"The incompetent Tories got us into the Falklands War -now the Falklands Fortress Policy is costing us billions."

and

"The Tories would rather spend £10 billion on trident missiles, than try to stop the growing nuclear arms race."

In response to these charges against the Tories, in a section entitled "Labour's Sensible Answers" there is a prescription for "A MORE SANE DEFENCE POLICY" (when I wrote about this before I pointed out that they only seem to want a more sane defence policy, rather than actually having a sane defence policy) which says...

"Labour believes in Defence and in membership of N.A.T.O. but we don't need dangerous and costly Trident and Cruise missiles, which just escalate the arms race."

Hmmm

Finally, in the personal message section we have this...

"The Tories say there is no new money to create jobs. But they spend billions of pounds each year on dangerous nuclear weapons. They spend billions on keeping people on the dole [for American readers 'the dole' is slang for being on welfare]. They encourage the rich to invest billions abroad each year. This isn't sense - it's insanity."

Oh and I just wanted to post this cartoon, because I like it.

AUDIO BOOK AND OSCAR WILDE

2007-03-23T11:40:00.000Z

As I intimated a couple of posts previously I am recently back from a year away from home.

One thing that bugged me was that I wasn’t able to get any books when I was away. Well, I could have, but I am not interested in the Da Vinci Code or where men and women are supposedly from (I always thought they were both from earth) or any of that sort of bollocks.

Consequently, for the first time I got into audio books (downloadable) because I hate reading full books on the computer – it is just not the same.

I started to find it quite enjoyable to stick one on while I was pottering about the house doing housework and so on.

I have kept the habit since I returned and I was on my way to the shops listening to ‘The letters of Oscar Wilde’ yesterday and this little quote really made me laugh…

“It was a fatal day when the public discovered that the pen is mightier than the paving stone and could be made as offensive as the brickbat. They at once sought for the journalist, found him, developed him and made him their industrious and well-paid servant.

In the old days men had the rack, now they have the press. That is an improvement certainly but still it is very bad and wrong and demoralizing. Somebody (was it Burke?), called journalism the fourth estate – that was true at the time no doubt but at the present moment it really is the only estate – it has eaten up the other three.

The ‘Lords Temporal’ say nothing, the ‘Lords Spiritual’ have nothing to say and the House of Commons has nothing to say…and says it.

We are dominated by journalism. The tyranny that it proposes to exercise over peoples private lives seems to me quite extraordinary. The fact is that the public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything, except what is worth knowing.

Journalism, conscious of this and having tradesman-like habits, supplies their demands.

In centuries before ours the public nailed journalists ears to the pump - that was quite hideous. In this century journalists have nailed their own ears to the keyhole – that is much worse. The private lives of men and women should not be told to the public, the public have nothing to do with them at all."

If you change the references to "the public" and "men" in general in the first and second paragraphs to "rulers" I think he makes a tremendous point and I couldn't agree more.

It is also a rather good comment on the celebrity culture we have now.

I'VE BEEN TO THE MOUNTAINTOP

2007-03-21T13:56:00.000Z

Well, actually I have been to several. The highest up I ever got was about 14,500 feet which is about 4,500 metres. I don't normally post photos of myself on here but a photo from the back is ok... here is me in himalaya-ville...

I just absolutely love it. It is my favourite thing in the world bar none (well, maybe one - but you can do that one up there anyway if yo uknow the right person). For me, being up there is the one place of truly forgetting it all. For some people it is music which works for me sometimes but a lot of music is situational and therefore either

A - you tailor what you are listening to to what is going on in your life

or

B - what you are listening to drags your mood or outlook to whatever the situation in the song is.

For some people it is reading or yoga or watching a movie. Not for me. Mountains.

There are so many reasons. For example, the clean air, the fitness thing, the feeling when you get to the top, obviously there are the incredible views. But I think the most important for me is going to a place that hasn't been fucked up yet. But even MORE than that it's the feeling that I don't even think in that way when I am in these places. I just get on with it. I do it in different kinds of weather too, it doesn't have to be sunny.

For good measure, here are a couple from various places in Scotland...What makes you forget about all horrible stuff???

DEBT

2007-03-19T17:07:00.000Z

Here is a good little 2 minute short about the debt trap and how it works, or rather doesn't, for the poorest nations on earth.

After it is an advert that the charity Christian aid made that most networks refused to show because, well, decide for yourself.

WEEKEND COMPETITON

2007-03-11T00:48:00.000Z

Guess the covered letters...

THE MEANING OF LIFE

2007-03-01T08:45:00.000Z

A grand title I know. Nevertheless... I think a certain Ms Arundhati Roy has convincingly managed to condense it to about 30 seconds...

Do you have any quotes, links, articles, videos or pictures that you think sum it all up very well?

Serious or comedy suggestions are fine.

I'LL CALL YOU

2007-02-26T17:53:00.000Z

I like my new telephone, my computer works just fine, my calculator is perfect, but Lord, I miss my mind! ~Author Unknown

I have a very chequered history with mobile phones. I didn't get one for a long time after everybody else had one. Eventually I was given one by my then girlfriend so I had no excuses to be out of touch.

That phone met with bad ending - which was a genuine accident - I dropped it down 5 flights of stairs.

I then didn't have a phone for a few months.

NOTHING BAD HAPPENED TO ME AS A RESULT OF NOT HAVING A PHONE.

The next one I got was a bit older. In another genuine accident I dropped it into a pint of water. End of phone 2.

I then didn't have a phone for a year.

NOTHING BAD HAPPENED TO ME AS A RESULT OF NOT HAVING A PHONE.

I was given a third phone and at a new year party a few people were arguing and they were all a bit out of it (Scottish new year parties are like that - they usually don't stop till about February). I tried reasoning with them and it didn't work so I microwaved my phone. This ended the argument and became the talking point of the evening.

I learned two things because of this...

1. Mobile phones that have been microwaved retain their heat for a long time.
2. Doing something stupid stops an argument more quickly than trying to reason with people.

I then didn't have a phone for another year or so.

NOTHING BAD HAPPENED TO ME AS A RESULT OF NOT HAVING A PHONE.

I honestly can't remember how I got the next one although I am sure I got it for free. I got a bit drunk and upset one night and smashed it.

Then I went away for a year (as I intimated a couple of posts previously) and my employers gave me a mobile phone. My friend in the place I was in was drunk and thought it would be a good idea to jump about on my bed. SHE smashed the phone.

And now I am home, and I don't have a phone again, but unless my work plans change then I don't need or want one.

Some people you meet are just permanently under the tyranny of their mobile phone. They spend more time sending pointless texts back and forth than they do talking to the people they are with.

Don't get me wrong, there are a very few situations where a mobile phone is both a useful and positive thing, but these situations are far fewer and further between than most people think.

One day I was taking a class and one of my students (she would have been about 19) said something along the lines of "I just don't understand how people lived without mobile phones, I just couldn't do it."

I stared at her for a minute and said "we used our wits."

WHAT??????????

2007-02-24T12:14:00.000Z

It has long since ceased to surprise me when our overlords do something despicable. The only thing that still surprises me is how little we tend to do about it.

I came across this in the Miami Herald yesterday...

Florida's prosecutors are floating a proposal to the Legislature to give them the power to secretly falsify public court records -- with a judge's approval -- for undercover law enforcement purposes.

Read the whole thing here...

Prosecutors seek OK to create phony files

SO....

2007-02-22T13:27:00.000Z

The 'Celebrations' for the 300 year Act of Union are about to begin. I can at least guarantee there will be no celebration of such a thing on this site. I made the picture above and it obviously still applies.

It seems though, that Prince Harry will be serving in Iraq.

We are assured that he will perform "a normal troop commander's role" which consists of "leading a troop of 12 men in four Scimitar armoured reconnaissance vehicles, each with a crew of three" from the regiment's "A squadron".

Furthermore, the Sun newspaper (sic) says that "Harry made it clear to defence chiefs he would not accept a compromise of doing a safe desk job in the war-torn country."

This all may or may not be true but I just can't imagine that he will not receive some extra degree of protection.

Nevertheless, this is all wonderfully beside the point. The people who won't be getting any extra protection are the people of Iraq who have been left in the most dreadful circumstances due to the effects of an illegal and murderous war.

ALL WHITE PEOPLE LOOK THE SAME

2007-02-11T16:28:00.000Z

I have been keeping a secret.

I have actually been out of the country for a year and only recently got back -that is why posting tailed off so much on the blog.

It is extremely strange to be home. To not be the only white person, to not be a lot taller than everyone (I am 6' 4").

Since I got home I have been seeing random people in the street and thinking I know them only for that to turn out not to be true. There can be only one reason for this...ALL WHITE PEOPLE LOOK THE SAME. It's the only answer I can think of.

Anyways, its nice to be home and posting will become much more regular again now that I am back...

Also, I learned a few things on my travels and one of them was that you should never overload your donkey cart...

WHY DO WE KEEP DOING IT?

2007-01-26T03:49:00.000Z

This is from the archives. I thought with the Scottish election coming up it is worth another look....I have also added some bits (thanks to delescluze)

I was listening to music on the way up the road today and one of those strange synergistic things happened. There were some military recruiters and as I walked by this tune by The Pogues came on...

As I was walking down the road
A feeling fine and larky oh
A recruiting sergeant came up to me
Says he you'd look fine in khaki oh
For the King he is in need of men
Come read this proclamation oh
A life in Flanders for you then
Would be a fine vacation now

That maybe so says I to him
But tell me sergeant dearie-oh
If I had a pack stuck upon my back
Would I look fine and cheerie oh
For they'd have you train and drill until
They had you one of Frenchies oh
It may be warm in Flanders
But it's draughty in the trenches oh

The sergeant smiled and winked his eye
His smile was most provoking oh
He twiddled and twirled his wee moustache
Says he I know you're only joking oh
For the sandbags are so warm and high
The wind you won't feel blowing oh
Well I winked at a cailin passing by
Says I what if it's snowing oh

Come rain or hail or wind or snow
I'm not going out to Flanders oh
There's fighting in Dublin to be done
Let your Sergeants and your Commanders go
Let Englishmen fight English wars
It's nearly time they started oh
I saluted the Sergeant a very good night
And there and then we parted oh

This all jogged my memory. My brother once said to me that about 50% of the SAS was made up of Scots even though Scotland only accounts for about 9% of the British population. I don't know if it is true but he was quite proud of this. He is a supporter of Scottish independence so I asked why he should be so proud of Scotland doing England's dirty work for it. He didn't have a reply.

I decided to look into it a bit more.

Not the SAS stuff but the general numbers involved.

As I said, Scots make up about 9% of the UK population but it seems that more Scots as a percentage get killed in almost every war we have been to.Some stats...

World War 1 - 27% of the Scots that fought were killed as opposed to the 12% total for the UK as a whole . 110,000 Scots dead in WWI, 15% of the total British war dead, higher in proportionate terms than for any other country in the Empire. And, of course, of those dead 13 out of 14 were privates and NCOs from the working class: not enough is done to remind people today of the 1930s definition of a bayonet as 'a weapon with a worker at each end.'

I think this photo with Churchill looking on as they go to sacrifice themselves is emblematic of the problem.

In World War 2 the Scots accounted for a third of the UK's dead.

In Korea the Scots were one in four of the UK's dead.

In Iraq 14 of the UK's dead have been Scottish, which accounts for about 14%. I haven't been able to find stats for how many of those sent are Scottish as opposed to English. Incidentally, there is often talk here that the British run sections of Iraq better than the Americans but the UK total of just over 100 deaths is consistent with the amount of American casualties when you factor in the numbers of troops sent.The historical record is even more damning. When the Jacobite rebellion was put down the majority of those killing the rebellious Scots were other Scots fighting for the British Crown. What reward for service and loyalty were these people given? Here is a quote that tells you...

[The Duke of] Cumberland gave orders for "No Quarter Given": in other words'none shall live'. His army marched on and killed every wounded Highlander left
on the field - and then made his way to Inverness to carry on the fight. Raiding
homes looking for Jacobites, all were labeled as one and swiftly put either to the end of a musket - bayonet - hangmans rope or burnt alive in their homes. Women, children, old and young, his orders were "No Quarter Given" - and none was. For months his army moved around the Highlands clearing out any threat once and for all that Highlander should ever pick up a Broadsword against England.
The English parliament, in reply to Cumberlands reports, said that "It will be no great mischief if all should fall". The support for Cumberland's ethnic cleansing was total.
Some 500 years before Culloden it is also documented that King Edward (Longshanks) I of England said "The trouble with Scotland is that it is full of Scots". Famous words that were spoken not only by Longshanks, but by every conquering Englishman who set foot on Scottish soil. It was now 1746, and these words were being echoed by these gentlemen, albeit in a different sentence.

The thought occurs - why on earth do we keep doing it?

One possibility is economic conscription - Scotland is a poorer country than England and it is likely that more people go into the military because of lack of opportunities in other areas.

Another is that the interests of the Scottish people are deliberately kept from them.

Scotland has always been kept tied to England through a combination of force and bribery. Some people in Scotland have tried to fight this, others have went along with it and played their part in all the empire building and the genocide. Our hands are dirty, no doubt about it, but when Tony Blair goes on about being willing to pay "a blood sacrifice" I just wish the people of Scotland would realise that it is statistically and historically far more likely to be them that is paying it.

ARE YOU BLIND?

2007-01-17T05:21:00.000Z

This is a colour-blindness test.

If you are not colour blind you should be able to see a greenish number 3 on a red and orangish background.

If you are colour blind then this is what you will see. The '3' is barely visible.

However, you only have to open your eyes to see what is going on.

There are none so blind as those that will not see....and remember....

INFORMATION WARFARE

2007-01-09T07:58:00.000Z

Belated Happy New Year to your all.

Hope it is a good one.

Unfortunately, the sort of things outlined in these little videos will still be going on.

Please take the time to watch them. The three of them are about 10 minutes altogether...

It's called the 'Art of Democracy'

A CHRISTMAS CAROL

2006-12-22T10:07:00.000Z

A song and pre and post song commentary from the excellent Tom Lehrer.

Speaking bits in italics

One very familiar type of song is the christmas carol. although it is perhaps a bit out of season at this time. however, Im informed by my disk jockey friends - of whom I have none,In order to get a song popular by christmas time, you have to start plugging it well in advance. so here goes. it has always seemed to me after all. that christmas, with its spirit of giving, gives us all a wonderful opportunity each year to reflect on what we all most sincerely and deeply believe in.

I refer of course, to money. and yet none of the christmas carols that you hear on the radio or in the street, even attempt to capture the true spirit of christmas as we celebrate it in the unitAtes. that is to say the commercial spirit. so I should like to offer the following christmas carol for next year, as being perhaps a bit more appropriate.

Christmas time is here, by golly,
Disapproval would be folly,
Deck the halls with hunks of holly,
Fill the cup and dont say when.
Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,
Mix the punch, drag out the dickens,
Even though the prospect sickens,Brother, here we go again.

On christmas day you cant get sore,
Your fellow man you must adore,
Theres time to rob him all the more
The other three hundred and sixty-four.

Relations, sparing no expense'll
Send some useless old utensil,
Or a matching pen and pencil.
Just the thing I need! how nice!
It doesnt matter how sincere itIs
, nor how heartfelt the spirit,
Sentiment will not endear it,
Whats important is the price.

Hark the herald tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God rest ye merry, merchants,
May you make the yuletide pay.

Angels we have heard on high
Tell us to go out and buy!
So let the raucous sleigh bells jingle,
Hail our dear old friend kris kringle,
Driving his reindeer across the sky.
Dont stand underneath when they fly by.

Actually I did rather well myself, this last christmas. the nicest present I received was a gift certificate good at any hospital for a lobotomy. Rather thoughtful.

WAR STARTER

2006-12-15T03:12:00.000Z

This is the funniest little vid I have come across for a while...

ON THE WAY

2006-12-13T08:13:00.000Z

A lot of opinion polls have lately been showing real support growing for Scotland finally kicking away from England.

This makes me very happy but I still can only say 'About bloody time.'

It is no real surprise though. I think the Scots have always been in favour of full independence but a number of factors have combined to stop it happening.

I also have a background in political science and when I have looked at the stats it goes in waves, with the low point of each wave being higher than the low point of the preceding wave so to speak. Therefore, I have always thought it will come sometime when I am middle-aged but it definitely will come.

Events may be making it come sooner.

I hope so. I will be happy the day it comes, I assure you.

OH YEAH

2006-12-06T04:02:00.000Z

I get angry at people who do this sort of thing and even more angry at those who believe it.

This video is superb...an absolute joy for someone like me to watch... particularly the bit where he forlornly exits the stage with his career in tatters.

SO FAR OUT OF IT

2006-12-01T19:32:00.000Z

I have been so far out of blogworld lately that I made two other little films and just realised that I never even posted them here... I hope you enjoy...

The first one is a video response to this thing (which the fucker chose not to respond to but anyway...). You should probably watch the thing I am responding to in order to get the idea.

the second one is a bit of vitriol in response to a lot of vitriol...

10 THINGS YOU CAN DO TO CUT CARBON EMISSIONS IF YOU ALREADY DO THE 10 THINGS YOU ARE SUPPOSEDLY SUPPOSED TO DO

2006-11-30T15:11:00.000Z

There are so many articles and guides to cut your carbon emissions and environmental impact at home and with your car and so on. Most of what they say is intuitive anyway (switch lights off, don't leave things on standby etc).

I got to thinking, what about the people who already do most of those things? What more can we do if we don't have the money to completely refit our homes like many of the guides suggest?

So here it is, another 10 point plan...

1. Stand next to people eating fruit out of season and shout "he's got no testicles" very loudly (or "she's got no vag" depending on the situation). If it amuses you more then deliberately get confused on the genders.

2. Perform a citizens arrest on people flying short haul.

3. Find people who leave their lights on to deter burglars and steal goods from their homes to make up for the cost to repair the carbon emissions this produces. Leave a note to say that this is why you have done it.

4. Throw mud in the windscreens of SUVs and jump about in animal costumes in front of them and invite them to hunt you. This should stop them going anywhere. You can claim that you are just trying to give them the rugged feel that their choice of vehicle suggest they are lacking. Don't worry if one of them takes you up on the hunting offer. The likelihood is that if one them attempts to shoot you he will probably just accidentally shoot his friend in the face.

5. If a major energy company starts to talk about clean energy issues, write them a letter saying you understand fully what they are trying to achieve. Enclose a plastic shit with a sugar coating to prove it.

6. Agree vociferously with the next person that talks to you about motorists rights, then go into their home and start chain smoking. To prove how much you agree the point with them you could even do this in their childs bedroom.

7. If you see anyone using an unnecessary amount of plastic bags in the supermarket then you could help them pack and remove all the unnecessary things they are buying so that they are only left with what they need. This will reduce the number of plastic bags needed.

8. If you notice anyone who was heated towel rails, abuse them and call them every name you can think of.... I mean.. what is the f*cking point?

9. Don't leave your TV on standby. Turn it off. In fact, sell it, burn it or hollow it out and use it as a plant pot. All of these options are preferable to tuning in to the innumberable channels of bile, nonsense and propaganda.

10. Get your friend to kick you in the head 5 times. If you wake up then you can explain to confused onlookers that he would have kicked you in the head 6 times but that this is a hybrid friend and therefore he does a bit less damage.

And on a serious note, if you have never read any of these guides before then here is one of the obvious ones...

10 tips for sustainable living at home

The picture is how most people in the wests carbon emissions work out

NOT DEAD

2006-11-17T17:50:00.000Z

Thumping the tub is not dead but I have not touched it for a while.

I have been easing off on posts for a long time and promising to come back but only doing it sporadically.

It is NOT finished

but i cant make any promises right now

NEW FILM - No 5

2006-10-04T17:53:00.000Z

Since it is customary for people to put out something new simultaneously with a greatest hits selection (see post below) I have just finished a new film.

Here it is...

GREATEST HITS Vol 1

2006-10-01T03:27:00.000Z

I am getting near to my one year anniversary here at thumping the tub so it is time for some greatest hits!

First, I would like to present the first ever Thumping the tub film festival by reposting all 4 films I have made. I also have 2 new films I am trying to finish but haven't yet.

I still think the second one is the best but that is the one that had the least hits.

Anyway, here they are in theorder I made them

IN AND OUT

2006-09-22T16:26:00.000Z

Posting has dropped off to an appalling level at this site but for the last 2 months I have been worked like an idiot and then have had spells of poor health (hospital was involved) so I am sorry but shit happens.

I really appreciate all the people who visit here. Please dont take it all as an abdication.

I am getting near the 1 year anniversary though. i am also getting near to 40,000 hits so I must have been doing something right.

ONE TRACK MIND

2006-09-19T13:01:00.000Z

I notice how Hugh Laurie seems to be the darling of Fox News and such like at the moment.

I wonder how they would react if they saw some of his earlier work - some reasonably funny stuff about American attitudes...

PODPOLIE

2006-09-01T16:39:00.000Z

I don't particularly know why I am posting this other than I read it when I was young and it has never left me. I don't even agree with all of it but I do agree with some of it.

It exists nowhere else on the net that I can find (I have just spent 30 minutes transcribing it) and it is a passage from 'Notes from Underground' (1864) by Fyodor Dostoevsky. The reason the title of this post is podpolie is that is the is the original Russian word in the title meaning 'under the floorboards'. There is no literal english translation for that so they used 'underground' to keep the title reasonably snappy.I would say enjoy it but I don't think that is the right word

"And what is it, that civilization softens in us? The only gain of civilization for mankind is the greater capacity for variety of sensations and absolutely nothing more, and through the development of this many-sidedness man may come to finding enjoyment in bloodshed.

In fact, this has already happened to him . Have you noticed that it is the most civilized gentlemen who have been the subtlest slaughterers? To whom the attillas could not hold a candle and if they are not so conspicuous as the attillas it is simply because they are so often met with or are so ordinary and have become so familiar to us.

In any case, civilization has made mankind, if not more bloodthirsty, at least more vilely, more loathsomely bloodthirsty.

In old days he saw justice in bloodshed and with his conscience at peace exterminated those he thought proper. Now we do think bloodshed abominable and yet we engage in this abomination, and with more energy than ever.

Which is worse? Decide that for yourselves.

They say that Cleopatra, excuse an instance from Roman history, was fond of sticking gold pins into her slave girls breasts and derived gratification from their screams and writhings. You will say that that was in the comparatively barbarous times. But these are barbarous times too, because also, comparatively speaking, pins are stuck in even now. That though now man has learned to see more clearly than in barbarous ages he is still far from learned how to act as reason and science would dictate.

But yet you are fully convinced that he will be certain to learn when he gets rid of certain old bad habits and when common sense and science have completely reeducated human nature and turned it in a normal direction. You are confident that then man will cease from intentional error and will, so to say, be compelled not to want to set his will against his normal interests. That is not all. Then, you say, science itself will teach man, though to my mind it's a superfluous luxury, that he never has really had any will or caprice of his own and that he himself is something of the nature of a piano key or the stop of an organ and that there are, besides, things called the laws of nature…so that everything he does is not done by his willing it but is done of itself – by the laws of nature. Consequently, we have only to discover these laws of nature and man will no longer have to answer for his actions and life will become exceedingly easy for him.

All human actions will then of course be tabulated according to these laws mathematically like tables of logarithms up to 108,000 and entered in an index. Or, better still there would be published certain edifying works of the nature of encyclopaedic lexicons in which everything would be so clearly calculated and explained that there would be no more incidence or adventures in the world.

Then -this is all what you say-new economic relations would be established - all ready made and worked out with mathematical exactitude so that every possible question will vanish in the twinkling of an eye simply because every possible answer to it will be provided then the…palace of crystal will be built. Then, in fact...those will be halcyon days.

Of course there is no guarantee...this is my comment, that it will not be, for instance, frightfully dull then. For what will one have to do when everything will be calculated and tabulated?

But on the other hand everything will be extraordinarily rational.

Of course boredom may lead you to anything. It is boredom sets one sticking golden pins into people.

But all that would not matter, what is bad, this is my comment again, is that I dare say people will be thankful for the gold pins then.

Man is stupid you know, phenomenally stupid. Or rather he is not stupid but he is so ungraceful that you could not find another like him in all creation.

I for instance, would not be in the least surprised if all of a sudden, apropos of nothing, in the midst of general prosperity, a gentleman of ignoble or rather a reactionary and ironical countenance were to arise and putting his arms akimbo say to us all

'I say gentlemen hadn't we better kick over the whole show and scatter rationalism to the winds simply to send these logarithms to the devil and to enable us to live once more at out own sweet foolish will?'

That again would not matter, but what is annoying, is that he would be sure to find followers.

Such is the nature of man.

And all that for the most foolish reason, which one would think is hardly worth mentioning…that is that man everywhere, at all times, whoever he may be, has preferred to act as he chose and not in the least as his reason and his advantage dictated".

ALDOUS HUXLEY

2006-08-14T15:04:00.000Z

Just watch it...

APOLOGIES

2006-08-10T07:16:00.000Z

Apologies to all for the lack of thumping at the moment. If you emailed me at the thumpingthetub email then I am sorry but I haven't even looked at that.

It has something to do with working 13 hour shifts at the moment and also with working on some other things in my spare time - what there is of it.

I expect to get back up to a post every second day by the end of next week.

In the meantime here are some very interesting interviews from the pythons about censorship in the UK and the USA. The climate has changed since then (no global warming pun intended) but not that much if you listen closely to what they are saying...

RANDOM UNCONNECTED THING

2006-07-27T08:54:00.000Z

If life keeps teaching me one lesson repeatedly it is to never trust men who wear those slip-on shoes with the the fake gold metal bit across the arch of the foot.

I don't know why this seems to be the case but if I think about it then the rule holds true almost across the board.

Does anyone have any similiar bizarre clothing stories or prejudices?

I JUST FOUND THIS...

2006-07-20T23:04:00.000Z

I just found it in some anti-slavery literature from way back. Please imagine sweatshops and shanty towns as you read...

TO OUR LITTLE READERS.

Listen, little children, all,
Listen to our earnest call:
You are very young, 'tis true,
But there's much that you can do.
Even you can plead with men
That they buy not slaves again,
And that those they have may be
Quickly set at liberty.
They may hearken what you say,
Though from us they turn away.
Sometimes, when from school you walk,
You can with your playmates talk,
Tell them of the slave child's fate,
Motherless and desolate.
And you can refuse to take
Candy, sweetmeat, pie or cake,
Saying "no"-unless 'tis free-
"The slave shall not work for me."
Thus, dear little children, each
May some useful lesson teach;
Thus each one may help to free
This fair land from slavery.

A is an Abolitionist-
A man who wants to free
The wretched slave-and give to all
An equal liberty.

B is a Brother with a skin
Of somewhat darker hue,
But in our Heavenly Father's sight,
He is as dear as you.

C is the Cotton-field, to which
This injured brother's driven,
When, as the white-man's slave,
he toils,From early morn till even.

D is the Driver, cold and stern,
Who follows, whip in hand,
To punish those who dare to rest,
Or disobey command.

E is the Eagle, soaring high;
An emblem of the free;
But while we chain our brother man,
Our type he cannot be

F is the heart-sick Fugitive,
The slave who runs away,
And travels through the dreary night,
But hides himself by day.

G is the Gong, whose rolling sound,
Before the morning light,
Calls up the little sleeping slave,
To labor until night.

H is the Hound his master trained,
And called to scent the track
Of the unhappy Fugitive,
And bring him trembling back.

I is the Infant, from the arms
Of its fond mother torn,
And, at a public auction, sold
With horses, cows, and corn.

J is the Jail, upon whose floor
That wretched mother lay,
Until her cruel master came,
And carried her away.

K is the Kidnapper, who stole
That little child and mother-
Shrieking, it clung around her, but
He tore them from each other.

L is the Lash, that brutally
He swung around its head,
Threatening that "if it cried again,
He'd whip it till 'twas dead."

M is the Merchant of the north,
Who buys what slaves produce-
So they are stolen, whipped and worked,
For his, and for our use.

N is the Negro, rambling free
In his far distant home,
Delighting 'neath the palm trees' shade
And cocoa-nut to roam.

O is the Orange tree, that bloomed
Beside his cabin door,
When white men stole him from his home
To see it never more.

P is the Parent, sorrowing,
And weeping all alone-
The child he loved to lean upon,
His only son, is gone!

Q is the Quarter, where the slave
On coarsest food is fed,
And where, with toil and sorrow worn,
He seeks his wretched bed.

R is the "Rice-swamp, dank and lone,"
Where, weary, day by day,
He labors till the fever wastes
His strength and life away.

S is the Sugar, that the slave
Is toiling hard to make,
To put into your pie and tea,
Your candy, and your cake.

T is the rank Tobacco plant,
Raised by slave labor too:
A poisonous and nasty thing,
For gentlemen to chew.

U is for Upper Canada,
Where the poor slave has found
Rest after all his wanderings,
For it is British ground!

V is the Vessel, in whose dark,
Noisome, and stifling hold,
Hundreds of Africans are packed,
Brought o'er the seas, and sold.

W is the Whipping post,
To which the slave is bound,
While on his naked back, the lash
Makes many a bleeding wound.

X is for Xerxes, famed of yore;
A warrior stern was he
He fought with swords; let truth and love
Our only weapons be.

Y is for Youth-the time for all
Bravely to war with sin;
And think not it can ever be
Too early to begin.

Z is a Zealous man, sincere,
Faithful, and just, and true;
An earnest pleader for the slave-
Will you not be so too?

LOOK BELOW

2006-07-16T08:03:00.000Z

I don't want this post to take attention away from the new film which is the post directly below. Compliments are appreciated, as is hate mail - you would be surprised how many people who profess to believe in freedom of speech send you hate mail for expressing yourself. I have had three emails from people saying that they hope I die. Well, I will die, but you might have to wait for a bit.

Anyway, I just wanted to say, I sleep on my stomach, does anyone else do this? I am the only person I know that does.

ANOTHER FILM - IMPERIAL MEASURES

2006-07-14T03:39:00.000Z

This one has been a while in the making.

As usual, the youtube is posted here but there is a link for perfect quality download
which is here....

http://tinyurl.com/f9kqj

5 extra points for whoever can tell me why that 10 second bit is in at the end

ANOTHER BITES THE DUST

2006-07-12T04:37:00.000Z

I have been reading quite deeply into and looking at a lot of zoology lately and related topics lately. I can't recomment a book y Richard Dawkins called "The Blind Watchmaker" highly enough.

I also noticed this today..

The black rhino is now extinct

If you want a bit of cheering up about that then look at this amazing little video clip which shows you just how interesting the animals that we seem determined to kill off can really be....

REPOST - NUCLEAR WAR

2006-07-06T08:15:00.000Z

These people who are saying they are supporting the soldiers are at the pinnacle of ignorance because our soldiers are walking along contaminated ground...We dropped depleted uranium over there and its radiological and we have 160,000 of us that get a cheque every month for $201 for undiagnosed illnesses because if they diagnosed it that means that they would have to admit that they used radiological fucking weapons over there. -

US soldier at anti-war demonstration (in the film We Interrupt This Empire - Free download)

In case you didn't know it, we are already in a Nuclear WarTake a look over at Snowshoe Films and watch the interview with the Deputy Director of the Uranium Medical Research Centre, Tedd Weyman (it is the second one down).

He makes some startling allegations.- Depleted and non-depleted uranium conventional weapons used by the USA, the UK and Canada have put more nuclear material in the environment than all of the nuclear weapons testing programmes put together

- Although some people classify these weapons as battlefield weapons the UN classifies them as weapons of indiscriminate effect because they remain in the environment for so long that they obviously affect civilians

- There is no instruction in any medical school anywhere in the western world researching into the effects of uranium contamination and its effects. This is because it is not allowed to be taught in any universities anywhere

- Troops are misinformed (or not informed enough) about the possible harmful effects of these weapons. The military does not acknowledge the full dangers of these weapons so why, on its terms, should it warn them?

- The methodologies used in the government testing and decontamination programmes are "not accurate, they are not correct, they are improper and they don't use the right chemistry and the right physics therefore they cannot say one way or the other whether the people they have allegedly examined have been exposed or not. It is just not possible"

- The normal masks given out do not protect against 'aerosoled' DU- The private research groups have got in line with the governments to say that there is not that much of a problem

- One of the odd properties of uranium is that it begins to replace the calcium in your bones. From there it is released back into the blood and begins destroying other cells somewhere else in your body until more cells are eliminated or mutated. This cycle continues to your death

- There has been a clampdown on any reporting of Gulf war syndrome

- The official quantities are about the DU fired from a few different military vehicles. This does not account for the Uranium used in the bunker busters and the high altitude bombs. He estimates around 2000 tonnes of uranium was used in operation Iraqi freedom. This is four times the amount used in Gulf war 1

- There could be quadrillions of particles loose in the bombed areas and beyond (they get lifted and moved by the wind). These particles can remain airborne for months

He also says that even if you have no objection to any of this on environmental or humanitarian grounds then you should consider that the bill will have to be picked up somewhere by those who have been dropping these weapons.

The media's coverage of the use of DU has been deplorable. Danny Schechter's excellent film 'Weapons of Mass Deception' shows a UK army office and on the board behind the soldier is a list of subjects they are not to mention in the media. One of them was DU. It also shows an exceptional piece of footage where a German reporter is standing next to a tank with a Geiger counter which is buzzing away merrily. When he questions the US soldier the soldier point blank denies the information in front of him and keeps saying "this tank is not radioactive" before walking away. Make an attempt to see this film.

There is a wonderful short about it called Your tax dollars at work but be warned, it is not for those with a weak stomach.

INTERNATIONAL STRANGENESS DAY

2006-06-29T11:53:00.000Z

Still happy about my first appearance on Blunt Cogs

Go Below the picture to see what INTERNATIONAL STRANGENESS DAY is all about.

This is my little character.

My strip is (currently) the second one down. Have a look through, it is a great site.

I have been blogging much more sporadically than before as it seems many people have been. Maybe all the anti-blog propaganda got to us eh? Maybe it is just summertime.

This however, is the first international strangeness day at thumping the tub. I have decided in the vein an old sketch (skit, if you are american) about answering the question previous to the one you have just been asked (who can spot the reference i wonder??) to go round all my favourite blogs and post a comment about the article I read on the previous blog. I just hope this is a more interesting way of promoting some of my favourite other blogs and hopefully making them connect with each other so we can really start to make a little community here? Yeah? Isn’t that the point? I wonder who will return here to find out WTF is going on?

The most important point of this is that I had three Microsoft word pages of full of blogs that I didn't check for a while and 1 and a half pages of them have given up (incidentally, M*crosoft word still refuses to recognize the word 'blog'). I am wondering if this is anything to do with all the anti blog propaganda or are people just bored of it?

Hmmm

Keep blogging, keep going, they hate us and that is the obvious proof we are doing something well.

Anyway, I am about to begin it now and the complete process should take an hour and a half or so and I will update this post with a list of the blogs I visited in the correct order after I have finished.

WARNING - I WILL BE GETTING STEADILY DRUNKER AS I DO THIS - WHICH I HOPE ADDS FUN TO THE EXPERIMENT.

Sites and links will begin from here, the first site I am visiting is someone who helped me with a few things when I started blogging so the comment on his site will be posted on the next one I visit..

first blog... Born at the crest of the empire

the next five, and remember if you want to check the comment on your post you have to check the NEXT blog in the list...

Neil Shakespeare
Watergate Summer
Graeme Anfinson
Ravings of a semi-sane madwoman
Less People, Less Idiots

Next 5...

Amelopsis
Fatrobot
Kickass
Huh, no shit
Rex kramer, Danger Seeker

Next 5...

Lose The Noose
Left Of Center
Keir Neuringer
Xenophile
Peacechick

Next 5...

Justin Barker
Disillusioned Kid
Average tosser
Rory Shock
Spontaneous arising

Phew, this is harder than i thought it was going to be.

Next 5...

Big Stick Small Carrot
The Curmudgeonly
Guerillas In The Midst
Morning Martini
Safe T Inspector

Next 5... (i think i am going to stop on 30 blogs)

Unbrainwashed
State of the day
Kim Ayres
Rebelle Nation
Anti-barney

I think i am going ot give up at 30 blogs...

Alternate Brain
Inveresk Street
Sumo Merriment
Existential Angst
Culture Ghost

and 3 hours and 6 beers later i finish where i started at born at the crest of the empire on the post "is the US losing the war on terror", which is a few posts down.

sorry to those i didn't mention (and there were plenty i could have) it was expediency rather than rationality at work here.

i will mention those i didn't mention in the next international strangeness day which won't be the same because that isn't what strange means

FIRST CARTOON

2006-06-29T06:31:00.000Z

The Good people over at blunt cogs have decided to publish my little cartoon (the fools! haha).

It is currently the first one up. Take a look and see if you like it.

I wrote it but the redoubtable average tosser designed it and made it up for me.

I recommened you have a look through all of the archives. It is one of the most original and funny things in blogworld and I am damn pleased I got in it.

So happy in fact, that I typed in 'Happy' on a google image search and I got this... ... which may look like an amorphous blob but is apparently a 'Happy Octopus'.

MURDERERS COME WITH SMILES

2006-06-25T16:07:00.000Z

It is in Goodfellas, "murderers come with smiles". So do fucked up people. The world is fucked up as we all know.

This is superb...

The people who grinned themselves to death

They smiled so much and waved their flags
As she saluted to the military band
Most of the people failed to see
She had a broken bottle in the other hand
And she took them by surprise
When she took them by the throat
And said my friend you’re not allowed to vote
But they shook it all off
With a nervous laugh and cough
Next time, she said I’ll let those people choke

The people who grinned themselves to death
Smiled so much they failed to take a breath
And even when their kids were starving
They all thought the queen was charming

She polished all upon the wall
And ran her hands right through her hair
So if the lady took the time to call
All the houses on the street would not compare

And she thought it really funny
That she hadn’t any money
But those she looked up to, they had
But they shook it all off
With a nervous laugh and cough
And when they took her riches it was sad

The people who grinned themselves to death
Smiled so much they failed to take a breath
And even when their kids were starving
They all thought the queen was charming

ART NOT OIL

2006-06-24T08:50:00.000Z

A couple of posts down in the post 'MOSTLY' a lot of people really loved this graphic...
It comes from the good people at ART NOT OIL

They have lots of really good stuff on their site and organise events around the UK.

Here are some samples of other stuff they have done. I highly recommend having a look through their galleries.

WORK IT OUT

2006-06-22T19:37:00.000Z

I had a special post planned but events overtook me so for the moment I am posting this because every time I hear it fucks me up.

The australians have the whole "waltzing matilda" going. This is a song by an irish band about some of the things that happened in WW1 from the point of view of an aussie soldier at the time

Oh, and the battle in question was churchills fuck up. The idea that everyone in the UK regards winston churchill as a hero is absolutely wrong. Many people then and now regarded/regard him as a murderous bastard who made a couple of good speeches. On the whole, we're quite pleased he is dead. Ask the hunger strikers, the suffragetes and a million other people why. Anyway...

When I was a young man I carried my pack
And I lived the free life of a rover
From the Murrays green basin to the dusty outback

I waltzed my Matilda all over
Then in nineteen fifteen my country said Son
It's time to stop rambling 'cause there's work to be done
So they gave me a tin hat and they gave me a gun
And they sent me away to the war
And the band played Waltzing Matilda
As we sailed away from the quay
And amidst all the tears and the shouts and the cheers
We sailed off to Gallipoli

How well I remember that terrible day
How the blood stained the sand and the water
And how in that hell that they called Suvla Bay
We were butchered like lambs at the slaughter
Johnny Turk he was ready, he primed himself well
He chased us with bullets, he rained us with shells
And in five minutes flat he'd blown us all to hell
Nearly blew us right back to Australia
And the band played Waltzing Matilda
As we stopped to bury our slain
We buried ours and the Turks buried theirs
Then we started all over again

Now those that were living,did their best to survive
In a mad world of blood, death and fire
And for seven long weeks I kept myself alive
But around me the corpses piled higher
Then a big Turkish shell knocked me arse over tit
And when I woke up in my hospital bed
And saw what it had done, christ I wished I was dead
Never knew there were worse things than dying
And no more I'll go waltzing Matilda
to the green bushes so far and near
For to hang tent and pegs, a man needs two legs
No more waltzing Matilda for me

So they collected the cripples, the wounded, the maimed
And they shipped us back home to Australia
The legless, the armless, the blind, the insane
Those proud wounded heroes of Suvla
And as our ship pulled into Circular Quay
I looked at the place where my legs used to be
And thank Christ there was nobody waiting for me
To grieve and to mourn and to pity
And the band played Waltzing Matilda
As they carried us down the gangway
But nobody cheered, they just stood and stared
and they turned their faces away

And now every April I sit on my porch
And I watch the parade pass before me
And I watch my old comrades, how proudly they march
Reliving old dreams of past glory
And I see the old men all twisted and torn
The forgotten heroes of a forgotten war
And the young people ask, "What are they marching for?"
And I ask myself the same question
And the band plays Waltzing Matilda
And the old men still answer the call
But year after year their numbers get fewer
Some day no one will march there at all

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
Who'll go a waltzing Matilda with me?

MOSTLY

2006-06-18T20:20:00.000Z

Most of the people who want other people to go and fight in wars have never been in one themselves.

Most of the people who sell you junk food wouldn’t eat it themselves (when was the last time you saw an executive eating at McDeaths?)

Most of the people who try to deny people access to drugs because they want to make more money have no problems getting health care.

All of the government ministers who always want to build more roads and have less public transport have chauffeur driven cars

Most of the soldiers in World War One hated their officers more than they hated the opposite side. There were many cases of officers being shot in the back as the soldiers advanced.

Most of the people that say global warming isn’t happening are large corporations whose profit-making would be seriously curtailed if there were any effective laws introduced.

Most of the people who are so incensed by even the slightest criticism of Israel are from the United States.

Most of the people who talk about the 10 commandments neglect to mention the sermon on the mount (thanks to Kurt Vonnegut via Mickey Z).

Most of the people who don’t believe in sex before marriage also believe you should be fruitful and multiply (thanks to Bill Hicks!)

Most of the people who believe you should ban smoking DON’T also believe that you should ban driving, which is another habit that kills both users and non-users, causes pollution and creates an unpleasant smell.

Most of the usually right-wing protestors that support hunting in the UK that were arrested got considerably more lenient sentences than those protesting on the opposite side.

Most oil companies have large sections of their websites devoted to telling you how much time they are spending on renewable energy. They don’t really mention that it is a tiny fraction of their business. They also tend to try and steer the discussion away from paramilitaries.

More of most UK MPs time is spent with lobbyists rather than voters.

Most of the people who won’t support a total ban on landmines do not know anyone maimed or killed by one http://www.brooklynbrothers.com/movies/un60.mov

Most of what George Orwell said was fantastic....

"Capitalism leads to dole queues, the scramble for markets and war. Collectivism leads to concentration camps, leader worship and war. There is no way out of this unless a planned economy can somehow be combined with the freedom of the intellect, which can only happen if the concept of right and wrong is restored to politics."

?!?!?!??!?!?!??!!?!?

2006-06-18T18:30:00.000Z

Sometimes political debate is technical in nature, sometimes it is bigoted and nationalistic.

Other times it is just completely bizarre.

This little bit from the daily show is funny but as much as the presenter is funny, it is difficult for him to make the piece any more bizarre than it already is...

Unfortunately i can't embed it, so you will just have to follow this link..

http://tinyurl.com/fyg2v

3rd LITTLE FILM

2006-06-14T17:13:00.000Z

My 3rd little film. This one is the product of not being able to sleep and is only 22 seconds long.

Oh, and in case anyone got the wrong idea, the previous post was not anything against gays in the military, the people who wrote those little pieces were actually gay. It was just a good little bit of absurdism...

Anyway, the film...

SUNDAYS ARE SUPERB 3 - NEW EYES

2006-06-11T10:43:00.000Z

Sometimes the smallest and most normal things can change the way major events run. Imagine how differently things would have turned out if this had happened...

the first ten seconds is something else...then it starts...

This one is an early idea about gays in the military...

HELLO AGAIN

2006-06-10T11:51:00.000Z

Still not posting. I need to get back to it but I can't make any promises at the moment.

In the meantime here is Neil Young busking in my home town in 1976

This second one is a bit studenty but i still think it is funny. Some people decided to race the glasgow subway. It is quite well done.

PUTTING THE FUN IN FUNERAL

2006-06-01T02:46:00.000Z

I really need to get back to doing some posting but I have been doing a lot of writing for my non-tubthumping ventures.

In the meantime I just wanted to point you toward this little video. It is John Cleese speaking at the funeral of Graham Chapman (the member of Monty Python that died).

For my money it is the SECOND funniest thing I have seen that is to do with funerals an that sort of thing. The funniest is the headstone of british comedian, Spike Milligan, which simply reads "I told you I was ill."

Anyway, enjoy...

I JUST DECIDED

2006-05-23T14:00:00.000Z

I just decided that the one I just played was my last ever game of solitaire. Let's see how I do. If solitaire works, maybe I could work on the smoking.

I have been smoking since I was 16. I stopped for a year and a half when I was about 22. I did it the right way too. Finished the pack and said that that will be the last one. It wasn't, but I did well for a year and a half but still had the occasional one when drunk, but very occasional.

Then I started again.

I always said I would stop before I was 30. At this point (28), thats a maybe, but I will stop eventually, I have done it before.

Smoking kills I know, but what I am really trying to establish here is making excuses. And the particular subject of excuses I want to get onto here is obesity. I am not claiming that the negative health effects of obesity make smoking ok. That might seem a weird statement but some pro-smoking lobbies have pointed out that the negative health effects of obesity are worse than smoking. Despite whatever other lies tobacco companies have told, that statement looks like its true, but it doesn't change the point.

I have been in some of the poorer countries in the world and a few of the wealthier ones too. When you go to the poorer countries if you use your eyes you will see that obesity is a problem that DOES NOT EXIST. Look in the richer ones, and you will see that it does.

I am fairly certain (this isn't just conjecture) that this blows the glandular or genetic argument out the water.

Just like me with smoking some people get on the proper diet and fitness wagon and fall off again. I don't want to preach, I have never been to a gym in my life. If I want to get fit there are always beatiful places to walk, things to see, healthier things to eat and drink.

Obesity has become a problem (was going to say a HUGE problem but it is too obvious a pun - hey, my mum died of cancer and I tell cancer jokes, don't be so touchy).

A slightly pompous argument, is that overeating contributes (as do smoking and unnecessary car and air journeys) to the horrible cycle of pointless consumption that is going to end clean air, the ozone and safe living sometime in the course of this century.

I am not any better, I still smoke. I just don't see the point in the excuses. Nothing more than self-deception.

If parents force their children to smoke there would be a huge outcry. Protection services would be involved. I think parents who allow their children to become obese should be subject to punishments. I think that is one of the few statist things that I have said, I am not happy about it, I just can't think of another way out of it right now (this instant I mean, not in general).

Yes, marketing people are paid to deceive us. Yes, it is more convenient (though not actually cheaper) to eat pre-prepared food. Nevertheless, knowing what I do, which is that if I continually smoke there is a decentish chance I will die slowly and painfully of lung cancer and that if I continually play solitaire then I will have wasted time on something utterly pointless (time reduced by my smoking habit), whatever happens is MY FAULT.

Here are some Scottish lyrics about the very same thing...

Everybody's a Victim -The Proclaimers

Everybody's a victim
Seems we're going that way
Everybody's a victim
We're becoming like the USA
Everybody's a victim
Seems we're going that way
Everybody's a victim
We're becoming like the USA

I demand recompense
For sitting on the fence
Throughout my adult life
You've got to put my parents in jail
For raising me in Fife
It doesn't matter what I do
You have to say it's alright
And I need you to send somebody around
To tuck me in at night
Because...

Everybody's a victim
Seems we're going that way
Everybody's a victim
We're becoming like the USA

Well it's not my fault
That I'm positive
I just stuck a needle in my arm
And nobody told me
That sixty a day
Would do me any harm
My liver's shrivelling like a leaf
But it's not the whisky that doo's it
Call me irresponsible
And I'm really going to lose it
Because...

Everybody's a victim
Seems we're going that way
Everybody's a victim
We're becoming like the USA

Wear a ribbon for this
Hug a stranger for that
Light a candle to the dead
And soon you'll forget
That you ever had
A brain inside our head
We value everythin the same
We turn it into farce
So we don't know a crisis
'Till it kicks us up the arse
Because...

Everybody's a victim
Seems we're going that way
Everybody's a victim
We're becoming like the USA
Everybody's a victim
Seems we're going that way
Everybody's a victim
We're becoming like the USA
Everybody's a victim
Seems we're going that way
Everybody's a victim
We're becoming like the USA

SUNDAYS ARE SUPERB 2

2006-05-20T16:19:00.000Z

I must be getting soft in my old age or something. I said I would post things that I like on Sundays and whilst I am definitely a prose and not a poetry person, this always stuck with me. There is something about the idea of abusing the sun for spoiling your perfect night that I like...

THE SUN RISING.
by John Donne

BUSY old fool, unruly Sun,
Why dost thou thus,
Through windows, and through curtains, call on us ?
Must to thy motions lovers' seasons run ?
Saucy pedantic wretch, go chide
Late school-boys and sour prentices,
Go tell court-huntsmen that the king will ride,
Call country ants to harvest offices ;
Love, all alike, no season knows nor clime,
Nor hours, days, months, which are the rags of time.

Thy beams so reverend, and strong
Why shouldst thou think ?
I could eclipse and cloud them with a wink,
But that I would not lose her sight so long.
If her eyes have not blinded thine,
Look, and to-morrow late tell me,
Whether both th' Indias of spice and mine
Be where thou left'st them, or lie here with me.
Ask for those kings whom thou saw'st yesterday,
And thou shalt hear, "All here in one bed lay."

She's all states, and all princes I ;
Nothing else is ;
Princes do but play us ; compared to this,
All honour's mimic, all wealth alchemy.
Thou, Sun, art half as happy as we,
In that the world's contracted thus ;
Thine age asks ease, and since thy duties be
To warm the world, that's done in warming us.
Shine here to us, and thou art everywhere ;
This bed thy center is, these walls thy sphere.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just to contradict myself, here is a nice shot of Loch Lomond at dawn.

WILLFUL IGNORANCE

2006-05-18T18:29:00.000Z

I don't look at right-wing blogs much. I figure that I get enough of it on fox, the bbc, cnn etc. The right wing blogs tend to parrot what those people are saying but sometimes in a more extreme form. I don't want to fall into simple left/right divisions here so I will say "people involved in dissent".

People involved in dissent...how many of you surf opposite view sites to see what they are saying? I have been abused on quite a few of them by people who have turned up here, argued and lost and then went to right-wing blogs and abused me thinking it wouldn’t come to my attention (usually one of my readers or commenters has provided the best response).

Another sneaky trick is looking through the archives and then trying to leave a final comment on an old post as if it was a clinching argument. The idea is that no one will notice so all the other comments and the article are usurped because someone got the last word in. Yes, it is childish, but there have been several attempts at this sort of thing on this blog and others I know of.

One person was doing this and then stopped. Someone else seems to be doing it now. Take this example from a Mr. 'Twinklebones', recently added to the end of the post with my first film. It was posted after it was off the front page of the site. This may mean he only came across it at that point but as this site is by no means one of the busiest sites on the web it might have taken a bit of determined searching. Anyway, I now repost the comment...

"I watched your video, 'praise the lord and pass the ammunition'. I loved it.

It was hilarious. I love that song and I have been waiting for an anti war advocate to use it for some kind of creative message. It was very well done.

The parts I liked were the American Battleships (tubthumpers comment..notice the capital letters here?) sailing to Europe to save them from a totalitarian expansionist threat that surely would have enslaved them or murdered them in cold blood.

I also enjoyed the ironic inclusion of the "duck and cover" footage as a satire of those leftists that are impeding efforts to defend against the current totalitarian expansionist tyrants in the middle east that are trying to kill us all.

I have watched it a few times. It really made my day. I'm sharing it with my friends.

(tubthumper comment - did you spot the threat?)

American kids learn to handle weapons at a young age, because we not only have to defend ourselves, we have to bail out the European left* every time they wave around a piece of paper and claim to have established "peace in our time". You can just say thank you as we fly over, if you are able to roll out of your cozy bed."

Where do I begin? For a start my bed isn't particularly cosy (that's a UK spelling). This comment also implies that anyone who disagrees with Bush and Blair is an apologist for Hitler. It misses out that many people believe Bush, Blair, Hitler, Ahmedinajad, Musharaff etc etc to be part of the same breed. Many people fight every day against all of those people.

I have a new post coming next week regarding the oft repeated idea that everyone in Europe should be groveling to the USA for their magnificent benevolence TM. Look out for it. That concept is just as absurd as the british people who still believe that the purpose of the british empire was to civilize the world.

On the whole, I would be more impressed if I thought that this was design on the part of this commenter. I think it is more like mistaking lethargy for strategy.

Also, notice what is going on with the term "totalitarian expansionist threat". You see it the first time...read again where it recurs...he/she mentions irony but clearly has no concept of it.

The general point here is that in the defence of what certain people perceive as freedom they have decided to join together and attack individuals who try to express themselves.

It is a strange mindset. I understand that people are propagandized from day one. I don't understand why seemingly rational people don't break out of it and instead spend all their energies defending the indefensible.

For people who are going to leave comments one month after this post is up in order to debunk it, here is a truncated list of some of the things I have NEVER defended on this site...

Tony Blair
George Bush
Saddam Hussein
Slobadan Milosevic
9/11
Murder

*describing Neville chamberlain as the European left shows either willful or depressing ignorance

Please look at the previous post if you want a laugh.

APOLOGIES

2006-05-18T05:13:00.000Z

I have been very very busy if late and so haven't had much time for this. back with some serious posting by tomorrow (hopefully).

In the meantime, there is no better way to make up for absenteeism than by being funny when you come back (ok, well, posting someone else being funny.)

Thanks for the concern Rose.

I hadn't seen this for so long but on watching it again I nearly fell of my seat at this bit....

SOME NEW THINGS

2006-05-10T03:32:00.000Z

The results of the old poll are as follows...

patsy 12%
fascist 21%

stormtrooper 15%
fool 15%
hardworking man just trying to do the best for his community 6%
government assassin 18%
wave short of an ocean 15%

The new poll is about the BBC so everyone should be able to answer.

There is also a new warmonger of the week. Congratulations to our winner who is the first person ever to win it twice. Follow the link that is down there (on the right, after the links) to see why.

In the meantime here is one more of my favourite cartoons...

I also want to give anothe heads up to the excellent people over at www.spinwatch.org who have added a new smaller sitte to go with the bigger one. www.nuclearspin.org is showing and telling about some of the people involved in the phoney nuclear debate in the UK and elsewhere.
I understand that they have already upset some of the right people.

www.nuclearspin.org

SUNDAYS ARE SUPERB

2006-05-07T16:48:00.000Z

It has been brought to my attention that occasionally I am quite negative. I usually respond to such a scurrilous accusation by suggesting that the more you know about what is really going on in the world the more you realise you aren't negative enough.

However, in order to take the sting out of these accusations (again) I have decided to have a 'Sundays are superb' thing at thumping the tub. That said, every time I have tried to come up with a running theme on a particular day I always forget 2 weeks later so we will see how it works out.

Superb Sunday will be things I like rather than things I hate, which is what most of this site tends to be, and first up are old people who keep their anger at what is going on right up to the end. Number one on the list is Kurt Vonnegut.

I really don't know that much about him other than reading 'Slaughterhouse 5' but that is a good enough start point for anyone to be getting on with.

I post below his daily show interview. If you are not convinced yet about reasons for watching it I hereby provide a teaser...

"I do feel that evolution is being controlled by some sort of divine engineer. I can't help thinking that..., and eh..., this engineer knows exactly what he or she is doing and why... or where evolution is headed... and thats why we have got Giraffe and Hippopotami and the clap"

p.s. Vonnegut sprung back to my mind a while ago because of a post at a dream puppet who has one of the best blogs out there but doesn't get enough comments. I post a link straight to the blog rather than the specific article because it is all good stuff. If you want the Vonnegut one it is April 15th in the archives.

DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD

2006-05-04T07:17:00.000Z

She isn't really dead - unless something happens to her while this post is up. If that happens I will be in all the papers as some sort of sicko as if it was me that is/was a murdering old sow. All the sycophants will be out in force that day and I will be reaching for the sick bag. We will hear all sorts of nonsense about 'the Iron Lady' and her derring-do and fortitude. We will hear less about her slashing welfare, ruining employment rights, wrecking the railways, being a war criminal (look up some stuff about the sinking of the Belgrano) and being a great friend of such lovely people as General Pinochet. They probably won't mention that she was opposed to sanctions against the apartheid regime in South Africa either.

The reason I want to post all of this is for my American readers to let them know that while the concept of a female leader is a good thing, the reality may not be any better than what is currently around.

A lot of women I know in the UK have the attitude that it was great having a woman PM finally but why the f*ck did it have to be her?

Also, hundreds of people I know talk about going out for a celebratory beer when she finally does die. MILLIONS of people I don't know talk about the same thing. It is quite a common conversation in the UK.

That might seem callous but it is not anywhere near as callous as she was.

THROWING THIS ONE OPEN

2006-05-02T06:53:00.000Z

I can never make my mind up. Is google earth just another thing trying to acclimatise us to the surveillance society or is it a fantastic tool to play around with? Or both?

Download it and play around if you don't know what I am talking about.

HARSH BUT FAIR

2006-04-30T19:12:00.000Z

my new film. it is not nice. there is an advisory on this one....

GOING TO THE MOVIES

2006-04-28T10:43:00.000Z

I made my second film (i am terrible when I get a new toy).

It is a video for a song. Youtube.com is not working at the moment so if you are interested then you will have to download direct (its about 10mb).

Also, a warning goes out with this one, a couple of scenes are a little gruesome.

here is the link for download

OFF THE PACE

2006-04-25T15:12:00.000Z

Thanks again for all the nice comments about the movie (see one post below this one). As I said, if you couldn't get it to work then there is a link for a perfect quality download as well.

This time I am back to posting other peoples vids.

I don't like Letterman at all but this segment is great.

When I first started this blog did a 'What do you think?' thing every so often and one of the topics was about whether or not politicians believe they are doing what they are saying or not. Is it the road to hell being paved with good intentions or is it nefarious purposes from the get go.

It is a difficult question and probably varies from person to person but there is at least one person whom you are not going to be able to convince me has good intentions....

HERE IT IS

2006-04-22T12:57:00.000Z

No expense is spared here at thumping the tub (well, I bought some blank Cds and took a taxi).

I hereby present the first movie made by thumping the tub

I hope it is not too amateur.

If you like it you can download perfect quality here

SPECIAL POST

2006-04-21T09:11:00.000Z

Special post coming up later. keep checking.

Nothing revelatory, but worth it.

UPDATE...
Sorry to be a tease. There was a technical problem. Rather than posting other peoples vids I decided to make my own. The post was to be the premiere of my first ever little movie. Problem is, the computer I made it on has problems with the internet connection and that won't be fixed till monday at the earliest so I can't upload it till then. Sorry.

OTHER UPDATE...

It was announced on the news that they are not going to buil the pylons through the mountains (look 4 posts down). The campaign worked. Thank you to anyone who sent an email or did anything in support

In the meantime here is a quite a funny vid made by someone else...

TWO VIDS

2006-04-18T03:18:00.000Z

One funny, one serious. Both well worth it.

The first is from comedian Rob Newman's 'History of Oil' and is a minute long (takes one minute to load) and the second is some Iraq war veterans explaining the guilt they feel about some of the things that went on. It takes a little while to load though. For more info please read this.

EVER SEE AN ASSHOLE TALK?

2006-04-16T10:02:00.000Z

Half a minute long.

Funny.

BIRD FLU

2006-04-15T08:41:00.000Z

I got this as an email. Not making any judgements about it - it is just interesting...

Some interesting facts about so-called "bird-flu"

Do you know that 'bird flu' was discovered in Vietnam 9 years ago?

Do you know that barely 100 people have died in the whole world in all that time?

Do you know that it was the Americans who alerted us to the efficacy of the human antiviral TAMIFLU as a preventative.

Do you know that TAMIFLU barely alleviates some symptoms of the common flu?

Do you know that its efficacy against the common flu is questioned by a great part of the scientific community?

Do you know that against a SUPPOSED mutant virus such as H5N1, TAMIFLU barely alleviates the illness?

Do you know that to date Avian Flu affects birds only?

Do you know who markets TAMIFLU? - ROCHE LABORATORIES.

Do you know who bought the patent for TAMIFLU from ROCHE LABORATORIES in 1996?GILEAD SCIENCES INC.

Do you know who was the then president of GILEAD SCIENCES INC. and remains a major shareholder? - DONALD RUMSFELD, the present Secretary of Defence of the USA.

Do you know that the base of TAMIFLU is crushed aniseed?

Do you know who controls 90% of the world's production of this tree? ROCHE.>

Do you know that sales of TAMIFLU were over $254 million in 2004 and more than $1000 million in 2005?

Do you know how many more millions ROCHE can earn in the coming months if the business of fear continues?

So the summary of the story is as follows: Bush's friends decide that the medicine TAMIFLU is the solution for a pandemic that has not yet occurred and that has caused a hundred deaths worldwide in 9 years.This medicine doesn't so much as cure the common flu.In normal conditions the virus does not affect humans.Rumsfeld sells the patent for TAMIFLU to ROCHE for which they pay him a fortune. Roche acquires 90% of the global production of crushed aniseed, the base for the antivirus. The governments of the entire world threaten a pandemic and then buy industrial quantities of the product from Roche. So we end up paying for medicine while Rumsfeld, Cheney and Bush doe the business.

ARE WE CRAZY!!? OR ARE WE IDIOTS!!? AT LEAST PASS THIS ON SO THAT IT CAN BE KNOWN!!!!!!!

WHICH DO YOU PREFER?

2006-04-13T04:03:00.000Z

These are the Cairngorm Mountains in Scotland. Well, the first 2 are. The third one is what Scottish & Southern Energy's are planning to do to them by putting a series of exceptionally large pylons right through these mountains. They claim that this is necessary in order to meet the Governments Green energy requirements (the power going down the lines will be from a wind farm). I am all for Wind farms but the issue here is why can't they put the power lines underground and not ruin Scotland? Burying power lines is already standard practice in countries such as Germany, Canada, Norway and Belgium - so why not here? Because it is more expensive.

It's not just to do with the scenery, there are health risks associated with pylons too.

Even if you are not Scottish PLEASE go to Cairngorms Revolt Against Pylons and lend your support any way you see fit. Whether it's a donation or an email, any help is appreciated.

If you are Scottish, please do as much as you can.

MONEY IS THE CAUSE OF POVERTY - REPOST

2006-04-11T03:20:00.000Z

This was one of my first posts. I like it so much I have to repost it (I didn't write it.) There are also 16 new links in the blogs I look at section.

THE MONEY TRICK

If all the money in the world was divided out equally, it wouldn't do any good! In six months' time it would be all back in the same hands again.'

`Of course,' said everybody.

`But he was saying the other day about money being no good at all!' observed Easton. `Don't you remember he said money was the principal cause of poverty?'

`So it is the principal cause of poverty,' said Owen, who entered at that moment.

`Hooray!' shouted Philpot, `The Professor has arrived and will now proceed to say a few remarks.'

As Owen, sat down in his usual place, Philpot rose solemnly to his feet, and, looking round the company, said: `Gentlemen, with your kind permission, as soon as the Professor has finished dinner he will deliver his well-known lecture, entitled,"Money the Principal Cause of being hard up", proving money isn't any good to anybody. Philpot resumed his seat amid cheers.

`Come on' cried Philpot, putting his hand on Owen's shoulder.`Prove that money is the cause of poverty.'

`It's one thing to say it and another to prove it,' sneered Crass.

`Money IS the real cause of poverty,' said Owen. `Money is the cause of poverty because it is the device by which those who are too lazy to work are enabled to rob the workers of the fruits of their labours.'

`Prove it,' said Crass.`All right,' he replied. `I'll show you how the Great Money Trick is worked.'

Owen opened his dinner basket and took from it several slices of bread and placed them in a heap on a clean piece of paper, and, having borrowed the pocket knives they used to cut and eat their dinners with from Easton, Harlow and Philpot, he addressed them as follows:

`These pieces of bread represent the raw materials which exist naturally in and on the earth for the use of mankind; they were not made by any human being, but were created for the benefit and sustenance of all, the same as were the air and the light of the sun.

`Now,' continued Owen, `I am a capitalist; or, rather, I represent the landlord and capitalist class. That is to say, all these raw materials belong to me. It does not matter for our present argument how I obtained possession of them, or whether I have any real right to them; the only thing that matters now is the admitted fact that all the raw materials which are necessary for the production of the necessaries of life are now the property of the Landlord and Capitalist class. I am that class: all these raw materials belong to me.'

`Good enough!' agreed Philpot.

`Now you three represent the Working class: you have nothing - and for my part, although I have all these raw materials, they are of no use to me - what I need is the things that can be made out of these raw materials by Work: but as I am too lazy to work myself, I have invented the Money Trick to make you work FOR me. But first I must explain that I possess something else beside the raw materials. These three knives represent - all the machinery of production; the factories, tools, railways, and so forth, without which the necessaries of life cannot be produced in abundance. And these three coins' - taking three from his pocket - `represent my Money Capital.'

`But before we go any further,' said Owen, interrupting himself, `it is most important that you remember that I am not supposed to be merely "a" capitalist. I represent the whole Capitalist Class. You are not supposed to be just three workers - you represent the whole Working Class.'

`All right, all right,' said Crass, impatiently.Owen proceeded to cut up one of the slices of bread into a number of little square blocks. `These represent the things which are produced by labour, aided by machinery, from the raw materials. We will suppose that three of these blocks represent - a week's work. We will suppose that a week's work is worth - one pound: and we will suppose that each of these coins is a £1.

`Now this is the way the trick works -' Owen now addressed himself to the working classes as represented byPhilpot, Harlow and Easton.

`You say that you are all in need of employment, and as I am the kind-hearted capitalist class I am going to invest all my money in various industries, so as to give you Plenty of Work. I shall pay each of you one pound per week, and a week's work is - you must each produce three of these square blocks. For doing this work you will each receive your wages; the money will be your own, to do as you like with, and the things you produce will of course be mine, to do as I like with. You will each take one of these machines and as soon as you have done a week's work, you shall have your money.

'The Working Classes accordingly set to work, and the Capitalist class sat down and watched them. As soon as they had finished, they passed the nine little blocks to Owen, who placed them on a piece of paper by his side and paid the workers their wages.

`These blocks represent the necessaries of life. You can't live without some of these things, but as they belong to me, you will haveto buy them from me: my price for these blocks is - one pound each.

'As the working classes were in need of the necessaries of life and as they could not eat, drink or wear the useless money, they were compelled to agree to the kind Capitalist's terms. They each bought back and at once consumed one-third of the produce of their labour.The capitalist class also devoured two of the square blocks, and so the net result of the week's work was that the kind capitalist had consumed two pounds worth of the things produced by the labour of the others, and reckoning the squares at their market value of one pound each, he had more than doubled his capital, for he still possessed the three pounds in money and in addition four pounds worth of goods. As for the working classes, Philpot, Harlow and Easton, having each consumed the pound's worth of necessaries they had bought with their wages, they were again in precisely the same condition as when they started work - they had nothing.

This process was repeated several times: for each week's work the producers were paid their wages. They kept on working and spending all their earnings. The kind-hearted capitalist consumed twice as much as any one of them and his pile of wealth continually increased. In a little while - reckoning the little squares at their market value of one pound each - he was worth about one hundred pounds, and the working classes were still in the same condition as when they began, and were still tearing into their work as if their lives depended upon it.

After a while the rest of the crowd began to laugh, and their merriment increased when the kind-hearted capitalist, just after having sold a pound's worth of necessaries to each of his workers,suddenly took their tools - the Machinery of Production - the knives away from them, and informed them that as owing to Over Production all his store-houses were glutted with the necessaries of life, he had decided to close down the works.

`Well, what are we to do now?.

''That's not my business,' replied the kind-hearted capitalist. `I've paid you your wages, and provided you with Plenty of Work for a longtime past. I have no more work for you to do at present. Come round again in a few months' time and I'll see what I can do for you.' `But what about the necessaries of life?' demanded Harlow. `We must have something to eat.' `Of course you must,' replied the capitalist, affably; `and I shall be very pleased to sell you some.' `But we haven't got any money!'

`Well, you can't expect me to give you my goods for nothing! You didn't work for me for nothing, you know. I paid you for your work and you should have saved something: you should have been thrifty like me. Look how I have got on by being thrifty!

'The unemployed looked blankly at each other, but the rest of the crowd only laughed; and then the three unemployed began to abuse the kind-hearted Capitalist, demanding that he should give them some of the necessaries of life that he had piled up in his warehouses, or to be allowed to work and produce some more for their own needs; and even threatened to take some of the things by force if he did not comply with their demands. But the kind-hearted Capitalist told them not to be insolent, and spoke to them about honesty, and said if they were not careful he would have their faces battered in for them by the police, or if necessary he would call out the military and have them shot down like dogs, the same as he had done before at Featherstone and Belfast.

`Of course,' continued the kind-hearted capitalist, `if it were not for foreign competition I should be able to sell these things that you have made, and then I should be able to give you Plenty of Work again:but until I have sold them to somebody or other, or until I have used them myself, you will have to remain idle.'

`Well, this takes the bloody biscuit, don't it?' said Harlow.

ABRIDGED AND ADAPTED FROM 'THE RAGGED TROUSERED PHILANTHROPISTS' By Robert Tressel (1911).

SCHNEWS DOES IT AGAIN

2006-04-07T03:58:00.000Z

Fantastic summation of immmigration policy in the UK from the schnews

Also, the curmudgeonly has a superb post that is worth everyone taking a look at. 2nd one down, called 'Brave Boys and Petty Legalisms'.

FUNNY IF IT WASN'T SO SERIOUS

2006-04-05T13:48:00.000Z

The first one has dubbed laughter. In the second one they really are just laughing at him..

PLAYS, FILMS, CARTOONS

2006-04-01T12:12:00.000Z

During all the cartoon row, which I personally think was deliberatly whipped up by leaders in all of the places to help foster an Us against them attitude, one of the things that kept being repeated was that christians don't go nuts like that when someone slags off their religion.

So I thought I should compile a little list...

Protesters have staged a demonstration outside a Devon theatre which is staging the first performance in a UK tour of Jerry Springer - The Opera.

Complaints from religious campaigners have led to supermarkets withdrawing comedy DVDs from shelves.

Conservative Christian groups across the country are protesting a film about the life of sex researcher Alfred C. Kinsey, calling it a Hollywood whitewash of the man they hold largely responsible for the sexual revolution and a panoply of related ills, from high divorce rates to AIDS and child abuse.

The catholic church condemned Monty Pythons 'Life of Brian' for being blasphemous. They also attempted to have 'The Meaning of Life' banned because of the song 'Every Sperm is Sacred'.

The church in England also succeeded in pressuring the publishers of a book thats proceeds went to famine relief withdrawn from sale because of a short story called 'The Gospel According to a Sheep' which tells the nativity story from the point of view of one of the sheep.

This is just two minutes worth of research. There are much more extreme examples.

So the next time someone talks to you about tolerant Christians and intolerant Muslims you will know what to say.

For the record, I was brought up in a Catholic School and hate the dogmas that ALL religions put forward as solutions.

THE BATTLE FOR YOUR MIND.

2006-03-27T22:29:00.000Z

Just wanted to post this quickly to make you aware of Strategic Communication Laboratories.

In their own words -

Strategic Communication Laboratories is the leading supplier of strategic communications, information operations and public diplomacy to governments and military clients around the world.

The company is the exclusive licence holder of the BDi strategic communication methodology, which is the most advanced and effective persuasion methodology for social and group communication.

The company provides solutions mainly for defence, internal security and foreign affairs governmental departments, but also provides solutions for tourism, financial markets & investment and health programmes.

All very admirable, I'm sure you'll agree. One of their many services is to provide an OpCentre. What can the OpCentre do?

Launch a powerful psyop campaign against an engaged enemy
Engender support within the national community for proposed military action
Re-engineer foreign perceptions to potentially avert conflict altogether
Develop national resilience and behavioural compliance for homeland security issues
Produce powerful public diplomacy campaigns for political, economic, military issues
Maintain an 'always ready' public communication command centre for critical incidents
Develop more effective public information campaigns for social and health issues

The whole SCL website is extremely disturbing. Please explore it and then post a comment to highlight the part(s) you find the most chilling. See this article at Infowars for a thorough analysis.

IN BRIEF

2006-03-24T10:32:00.000Z

For months I have been meaning to do a post explaining the whole Scotland/England thing as best I can. I am in England at the moment as it happens.

Thing is, when it is discussed it is usually from the historical angle and old injustices (and there are many) are always brought up. The thought processes of the English leaders are even in the 4th verse of God Save the Queen...

Lord grant that Marshal Wade
May by thy mighty aid
Victory bring.May he sedition hush,
And like a torrent rush,
Rebellious Scots to crush

I think I qualify as a rebellious Scot but anyway, it just shows you the thinking. It refers to the Jacobite uprising in the 18th century and the cultural, economic and political repression of Scotland that followed it.

But there are also many current injustices and rather than go into them all at the moment I will just post these lyrics which I think sum things up from the Scottish angle very well..

CAP IN HAND - The Proclaimers

I can tell the meaning of a world like serene
I got some "0" grades when I was sixteen
I can tell the difference between margarine and butter
I can say "Saskatchewan" without starting to stutter

But I can't understand why we let someone else rule our land
Cap in hand

I could get a broken jaw from being in a fight
I know it's evening when the day turns to night
I can understand why Stranraer lie so lowly
They could save a lot of points by signing Hibs Goalie

But I can't understand why we let someone else rule our land
Cap in hand

We fight-when they ask us
We boast-then we cower
We begFor a piece of
What's already ours
Once I thought I could make God a bribe
So I said I was in his lost tribe
Getting handouts can be so frustrating
"Get in line son, there's five million waiting."

[He said] I can't understand why you let someone else rule your land
Cap in hand

I have posted about this stuff here and here as well.

OLD BASTARD

2006-03-22T15:33:00.000Z

Just a brief post...

I am a bit of a monty python fan but i hadn't came across this song till now...

HENRY KISSINGER

Henry Kissinger
How I'm missing yer
You're the Doctor of my dreams
With your crinkly hair and your glassy stare
And your machiavellian schemes
I know they say that you are very vain
And short and fat and pushy
but at least you're not insane

Henry Kissinger
How I'm missing yer
And wishing you were here
Henry Kissinger
How I'm missing yer
You're so chubby and so neat
With your funny clothes and your squishy nose
You're like a German parakeet
All right so people say that you don't care
But you've got nicer legs than Hitler
And bigger tits than Cher

Henry Kissinger
How I'm missing yer
And wishing you were here

GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE...

2006-03-21T21:43:00.000Z

Well, I'm afraid that they do. Their sole purpose is to cause maximum damage in the most efficient way possible. Everyone knows and admits this. Except gun enthusiasts and firearm manufacturers.

As Eddie Izzard said:
"Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun)".

Hence the picture at the top. Give him a banana or there's a good chance your head will have some new ventilation. In fact the ape [UPDATE: thanks to guerrillasinthemidst for pointing out that chimps aren't monkeys but I can't find a picture of a monkey with a gun so that'll have to do!] probably has more intelligence than your average gun club member, so apologies to all our chimp readers out there. You're probably not as trigger-happy as your homo-sapien cousins.

There is a serious point in that line from Izzard: guns = death.

10 years ago 16 school-children and their teacher were brutally murdered by a deranged man in the town of Dunblane, Scotland. He did this with an arsenal of powerful licensed handguns.

He obviously wanted to cause great harm. But did it have to be so easy for him? Why should civilians have access to such weaponry? Thankfully, even with strong opposition from the gun lobby the 1997 National Firearms (Amendment) Act banned handguns and made provision for a national firearms database to be set up. Still no sign of that database, sadly.

There's a saying - "When You Have a Hammer, Everything Looks like a Nail". Well, when you have a gun everything starts to look like a target. So it makes sense to limit access to guns and keep a very close eye on those who do. And that goes for "harmless" air-guns too. They can also inflict horrific injuries as can be seen by this boy's death and these other reports.

Please pay a visit to the Gun Control Network for more information.

WANT TO BE A STAR? APPLY NOW!

2006-03-18T17:39:00.000Z

Following on from the entriely succesful liberation of Iraq a vacancy has arisen for a third member of the 'axis of evil'. Candidates will preferably be tinpot dictators who, although evil, will not pose any serious threat to the armed forces of the US and UK. Candidates will be expected to talk big whilst acting small. Previous work as a CIA operative is desirable but not essential.

Our generous package will offer a show trial upon completion of the job, possibly followed by several years of free hospitality or alterniatively and immediate termination (of you and/or your contract).

Candidates will initially be give interest free loans to buy US and UK weapons.

Penalty clauses may be invoked if these are not being used in line with our unequal opportunities policy.

Please send a stamped and abused prisoner to

THE WHITEHOUSE
Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington.

ABOLISH WORK?

2006-03-16T23:36:00.000Z

As Michael hinted at the other day, there are now two tubs that shall be thumped from this site. The other is mine. Two heads are better than one and all that. Just hope I can match his standard (I need to be sycophantic, it's his blog really).

I'm sorry to whine as well but I too am rather busy just now. So sorry if the initial posts are rather short and sweet. This should change. I'm mainly busy due to my job as a government office drone. We're talking mind-meltingly, joy-sappingly busy. Right about now I'm wishing for the abolition of work.

This brilliant essay, which I only came across very recently through a friend's recommendation, just about sums it up. Or how about these anti-work sentiments in Is work bad for you? Talk about a rhetorical question! These facts and figures on the same site make for interesting reading as well.

It's sad that so much of our lives are taken up with just earning though, isn't it? I don't want to lie on my death-bed and think - "That office job was shit, every day like the last, disappearing into a chasm of apathy, tedium and fights over staplers. But it was steady and paid the bills, so it was worth it - wasn't it?".

I need to hatch a plan to escape, before I go off my chump. You may be able to notice my steady decline into insanity on this very blog, until my posts consist of the likes of "RaRR!!!! Must kill Th£M ALL!". Could be sooner rather than later.

Perhaps it will end like this Atari Teenage Riot video?

In the meantime I urge you all to join the NSCPO (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty in Offices) so that others need not suffer a similar fate.

NEW STUFF

2006-03-14T22:37:00.000Z

Sorry there have been no posts for a while, as I have been moaning about lately I have been extremely busy - dogs don't walk themselves you know (well they do but i don't think the human race is able to accept that at the moment - the dogs seem fine with it).

Anyway, I have been really busy and consequently we have an announcement to make here at thumping the tub (in fact i think i just made it - did you notice the 'we'? hint hint nudge nudge).

Tomorrow for that.

In the meantime we have a new poll and a new warmonger of the week (scroll down right hand side). Bit of a british flavour to this one. 50% of readers on this site are from the UK and about a quarter are from the US so US readers willeither have to chekc it up or think about John Timoney (or even look him up as well!). it's not an entirely fair comparison but it is in the same neck of the woods.

If anyone cares the results of the old poll were as follows...

What Annoys You Most about Tony Blair?

Sanctimonious Git 8%
Liar 3%
Murderer 3%
Poodle 14%
The way he comes over all hurt if someone asks him a tough question 11%
treatment of british workers 0%
all of the above 62%

Blogger isn't uploading photos so WE were going to be really funny about this but unfortunately we can't be so fuck it.

INGENUITY

2006-03-10T13:22:00.000Z

One of the great things about the protest scene is the level of creativity that is constantly shown by the protestors. Here are some of my favourites...

First up we have 'Billionaires for Bush' ('You Have Nothing To Lose But Your Job!'). When they appeared in Edinburgh and also in other places they were getting abuse because people were taking them seriously...

Next up we have the Clandestine Insurgent Rebel Clown Army (CIRCA) who have made a name for themselves with some brilliant and brave street theatre. This one is from just before the G8 but there are loads more shorts about and by them.

Last but definitely not least we have the Yes men. If you haven't seen their movie try to make a point of it. I present a short they did about the Oil industry. I have rarely laughed so hard. It's not that difficult to see what they are implying here.

Enjoy!

BUSHISMS

2006-03-09T17:00:00.000Z

Someone got me one of those calendars for christmas - the one where you get a stupid Bush quote every day. Now the Bushism stuff is overplayed, although it is still occasionally amusing.

I don't find the ones where he mispronounces things that funny, just boring after a while. The ones that really get me are the ones where he clearly hasn't understood what is being talked about and that can sometimes make it quite scary.

The one I remember most clearly is the one where it was a conference about over-fishing. You have the environmentalists on one side saying if we don't stop fishing so much there will be no fish left. On the other side you have the fishermen saying that they won't have a job left and it will probably be the end for their towns if they can't fish. Arguments on both sides then. Bush stands up and says "I believe man and fish can co-exist peacefully".

?

Ok, so we can now sleep safely in the knowledge that we are not going to be declaring 'the war on fish' anytime soon but really, George, that isn't what we were talking about.

This little film attempts to explain why he trips over his words. I want to make it clear that I don't really buy the theory it puts forward but nevertheless, it is interesting. It is about 4 minutes long, though it seems to take a minute or two to load.

In the film he also states that he thinks that 14 year olds should be tried as adults. Does anyone know if they now do this? (in texas, it was an old speech)

SPECIALLY RUINED FOR A HOLLYWOOD AUDIENCE

2006-03-08T12:04:00.000Z

It's a repost but it is one I was quite pleased with. And no, I haven't watched it yet...

SPECIALLY RUINED FOR A HOLLYWOOD AUDIENCE

I have always been a huge fan of Douglas Adams. Anyone capable of writing lines like "He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it" grabs your interest. Whilst I haven't always agreed with him in all that he says, he continually managed to be both flippant and profound at the same time - which is no easy habit to get into. He had an extraordinary amount of ability in the not-so simple art of putting one word after another.

Some examples...

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."

"Don't believe anything you read on the net. Except this. Well, including this, I suppose."

"He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife."

It just makes me laugh. It is not really science-fiction (he described himself as a comedy writer). Most science fiction is poorly written. Adams' work most certainly isn't.

I heard Hollywood was going to make a film of The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and at first was pleased that the work would get to a wider audience. Then I panicked. I realised that even if it was done with the best intentions it was not going to translate to the screen. How do you translate "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't" or those I mentioned above into a visual image. It just won't work.

Then I noticed the Hollywood spin machine get into action. Several fake fan sites were set up to promote the film. Unsurprisingly, their reviews were always glowing. The repository for all things Hitchhikers - the 'Planet Magrathea' website - reviewed the film and said it was fairly poor. The man who wrote the review, after years of maintaining a brilliant website for fans chucked it in because of... "unwarranted, ill-informed personal abuse and libel which has been directed towards me on the IMDB, livejournal and many other websites in the wake of my review of the film."

Films cannot and should not replicate books exactly, it is a different medium and things have to be explained in a different way but despite this it often seems that things are not 'specially adapted' for the screen but instead are 'specially ruined' for Hollywood audiences.Adams himself was asked about the differences between UK and US audiences and whether or not things had to be 'dumbed down' for the US. He replied that there was no great differences between the two and that the 'dumbing down' was not something that US audiences demanded or needed. The decision to do it is made on behalf of the US audiences by TV and film executives.

Happy endings tend to get stuck on as well. The US version of the dutch film 'The Vanishing' is a classic example. The Dutch version is chilling and not a little superb. The US version is the most appalling nonsense. US audiences did not demand this. US executives decided that they should see a version with a preposterous happy-ending and not a straight remake of the Dutch film (better still, why not just watch the Dutch film - there are such things as subtitles). In changing the end they entirely changed the point.

Spielberg's attempt at War of the Worlds is another case. H.G. Wells' book is about the arrogance of the human race in assuming that they are the sum of all things. Spielberg's version is about a few flashy special effects and Tom Cruise 'growing up and accepting his responsibilities.'This is not to say that remakes cannot be done well. Most often they aren't, but occasionally they can be. Try the Orson Welles version of 'War of the Worlds' here.

Anyway, back to Adams. I still haven't seen the film but I have seen probably 10 minutes worth of clips and it is clear that a book that manages to take the finer points of philosophy (an academic friend of mine informs me that one section is 'inverse Kantian philosophy'), physics, metaphysics, astro-physics[i] and making sandwiches, has been transformed into a piss-poor slapstick with a couple of witty jokes.

I'll adapt an Adams quote to end..."In the beginning Hollywood was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move. "

An excellent talk Adams did at the University of California just before he died entitled "Parrots, the universe and everything" is available here

He also wrote the funniest short story I have ever read, which is available here

[i] I don't know of any other writer who could have came up with a line like "in the end he got lynched by a rampaging mob of respectable physicists who had finally realized that the one thing they really couldn't stand was a smartarse."

BUSY

2006-03-07T15:48:00.000Z

I really am very very busy today so this is all your getting. Sorry. I like making these pictures though. You can do them as well if you go here

THE LAST PART

2006-03-06T11:33:00.000Z

Here is part 3. The first two were broadcast on normal TV in the UK (channel 4).

This one was only on digital. If you watch it you might see why. This one was done very recently and looks at where a lot of the money has gone in Iraq..

Also, if you watched part 2, I loved this line...

"this war was the first time that journalists spent the war embedded with the troops and the first time that the prime minister spent the war embedded in the president."

PART 2 OF 3

2006-03-04T11:47:00.000Z

As promised, those who watched part 1 posted below seemed to get a lot out of it. This is part 2. It was made after the end of the occupation and tells an equally compelling story. Part 3 is still to come. These are some of the best programmes I have seen about the whole thing.

BEYOND IRAQ AND A HARD PLACE

FIRST OF THREE

2006-03-03T12:55:00.000Z

Take the time to watch this. It is the first part of three (I will pot the other two soon) and it is called 'Between Iraq and a Hard Place'. It shows the history of invasions of Iraq going back a hundred years and is also extremely funny. It was broadcast before the conflict began.

Seriously, watch it. Your history will improve no end and it will help put what is going on in a wider context.